Look at sadness bit by bit

Sadness, a faint feeling, a vigorous thought, a depressing force.

--Inscription

I always feel that I am a person with a lot of sadness, little happiness and extravagance. I always like to sit alone at a very high altitude and look up at the starry sky in the night, recalling all kinds of past, but the darkness of fear and boundlessness will devour me mercilessly.

I used to remember that I used to be a child who liked to look up at the blue sky. But as time went by, the rain rushed again, and the happiness of looking at the blue sky slowly faded, slowly fading out its proper color.

If happiness dies, then only the sorrows of the leaves of the phoenix leaves are left behind...?

Slowly feeling sad makes me weak, slowly like to sink in the dark, like to hold myself in a small corner, watching the dimly lit market, bursting into tears...

Just like Guo Jingming said, "The sadness of the youthful world." Yes, yes, it seems to me that the youth I feel is very sad, perhaps related to the things I have experienced since childhood, the environment I grew up, maybe I want to be happy with my heart, I want to be like water, It’s not shocking, but it seems that I can’t do it. In Guo Jingming’s words, “My heart is like a lake that is too big. Some winds can make me undulating, and many times there is no harbinger for a moment. I can drown me." Maybe I have melted my sorrow into a part of my life, or more, it is the sorrow that sorrows me.

Once upon a time, the happiness of childhood can only appear in my dreams? I don't expect it, I don't dare to expect him to appear in my real life, because I am afraid, I am afraid that its appearance will make me more shocked and more helpless. Just deep in the deep hope that it appears in my dreams, can share its happiness with me, my sadness...

I am like a boat, floating in the current of sorrow. As the water drifts, I hit the happy reef and stopped the sorrowful footsteps. I thought I could fall into the arms of happiness. I didn’t think it was only temporary. Rely on, humble, where do I want to go to the hope I want...?

Without the warm embrace of happiness, is sorrow to entangle me permanently?

--postscript

The second day: the sadness of the sea, my pain