Talk to yourself, you will never be lonely

I have a friend who is a Buddha. Every year, no matter how busy he is, he always takes ten days to find a temple and meditate inside. The so-called meditation, in the eyes of those of us who do not participate in the Buddha and have no religious beliefs, is a kind of practice, meditation, chanting, setting the mind and restraining ourselves.

Although I am not a Buddhist, I often ask this friend for some Buddhist things. Once I asked him: "A person who has lived in the city for a long time, suddenly entered the monastery, did not contact the outside world for a few days, can you get used to it?" "What is not used?" He asked, "If you can get rid of it Miscellaneous thoughts, entering a certain realm, everything else is not important." Listening to him said, I joked: "Since you can get used to it, it is better to be a monk, why go back to the red dust, experience the experience of mortals What is the pain?"

"Oh, you are wrong." He shook his head and said with a smile: "Many people think that meditation is to throw away or remove something, actually not. The real purpose of meditation is to get open. Enlightenment, not only to achieve their goals, but also to show that others achieve their goals. Therefore, the word 'wu' is the most important." I understand a little, but there is still doubt: "Since it is enlightenment, it should be Everywhere you can realize, you can always understand, why do you have to enter the temple for meditation?"

He thought about it: "Enlightenment can be anytime, anywhere, but when we have not reached a certain level, we need to assist ourselves through some external methods. It is like meditation, it is to temporarily take you from the dust. Get out, don't touch the outside world, don't talk to others, only then can you talk to yourself."

“Talking to yourself?” This sentence brought me some touch, and I whispered softly. "Yes," he said as I moved, he continued: "Only by talking to yourself can you see everything about yourself, such as your true thoughts, real needs, strengths and weaknesses. This kind of conversation is not Gathering a snoring, but knowing yourself, to achieve the purpose of comprehension." I thought and asked: "When you are in a monastery, when you talk to yourself, will you not feel lonely, deserted or even intolerable?"

"I just want this kind of loneliness," he said as he looked at me. "When you are lonely, you can really eliminate interference and find your inner self. This kind of loneliness is not unbearable, but rather a kind of Tranquility is a kind of enrichment. If you have time, you can feel it, and a person who can really talk to yourself will never feel lonely."

Although I have not experienced meditation in the temple until now, I was really shocked by the words of my friends. "A person who can really talk to himself will never feel lonely." What kind of power is this, which can drive away pain and depression, leaving only calm and calm.

After chatting with my friends, I often consciously talked to myself, but the place changed from a monastery to a quiet night. Sometimes I talk to myself and talk to myself about what I have experienced in the air; sometimes I write a diary and record some moods; sometimes I just write a letter to myself, as sincerely as a pen pal. Talk to the ground.

Gradually, I liked the feeling of talking to myself. Although I spent the whole night alone, I didn't feel lonely. Instead, I felt a sense of excitement. Whenever I chat with myself, I can understand myself more clearly and objectively, see my inner true thoughts, and not be fascinated by other things.

There are many people who are afraid of loneliness, so they always look for others to chat and talk, and put all the big things in their mouths, whether they are work, life, or love, they are mourned. They attempt to escape loneliness in this way, hoping to be comforted and warm in the dialogue with others. However, when we talked freely in the north, did we ever think about finding a quiet time to talk to our own mind?

Soon after, I saw a science news online. Psychologists proved that talking to themselves for three or five minutes a day can effectively treat insomnia and depression. I think this is probably the same reason. Find yourself in the process of talking to yourself, recognize yourself, and reach a clear and open realm. And people can only talk to themselves when they are in loneliness. This is really magical. One is a mysterious religion, and the other is the result of a scientific experiment. The two methods are different in form, and the truth is the same.

At what moments in your life, what should you talk to yourself most?

1. At the time of the trough of life. Life is alive, there are sunny days, there are also rainy days; there are smooth winds, there are also anti-water boats; there are spring breeze, but also the loss of the front. When you meet the bottom of life, people who are active and optimistic may become low and negative. They even think that they are the worst, and they can't do anything. No one likes them. This kind of bad mood has a great impact on us. If it cannot be alleviated in time, it may lead us to completely lose confidence in life. When we are at the bottom of our lives, we should put ourselves in loneliness, please let me out of the weak, hard-hitting me, talk to him calmly and sensibly, help him find the root of failure, affirm his superiority, encourage He made a comeback.

2. When surrounded by a halo. Compared with the bottom of life, when we get some achievements, won everyone's affirmation, and are surrounded by the halo, we need to make ourselves lonely. People are vanity. When they are proud, they will be smug, and they will become very unconscious. If you can't put yourself in loneliness at this time, it's easy to lose yourself, not knowing how tall and how thick the earth is.

3. When the mood is impetuous. In this society that pursues material, the mood is easy to become impetuous, and there is no patience in doing anything, and it is opportunistic and overkill. At this time, please be sure to put yourself in loneliness. Only in this way can the mind cool down, recognize itself, and behave and do things in a down-to-earth manner.

4. When faced with a choice. People have a long road to life and often encounter some forks. How do we choose when we stand at these forks and face a few unknown roads? If you are slightly careless, you may be on a detour, wrong way, or even unable to look back. At this time, loneliness is going to appear again. It can calm you down, eliminate distractions, and choose the path that suits you best through rational judgment. Before I learn to talk to myself, I will talk to my friends every time I encounter something that doesn't go well. I believe many people are like me.

Finding someone to talk to is also a way to vent your emotions, but there are two disadvantages:

1. When talking to a friend, your thinking will move with the other's thinking, and the other party may not be objective and rational, and your emotions will be affected by the environment and the atmosphere of the conversation. When you are disturbed by various external factors, it is difficult to truly reach a state of peace.

2. If you are not controlling your own words, it is easy to get bored, so that the other party is disgusted with you. There are still some people who do not go to a friend to talk about setbacks, but to confuse things in their hearts, alone. This kind of loneliness is not the loneliness I advocate, because it is actually an escape, not willing to face the reality, and even mentions it. This kind of practice will not solve the problem, but will put yourself in pain forever, and it will be harmful.

Therefore, when we feel lonely, we must learn to talk to ourselves, like encountering a friend who has not met for a long time, let the joy stir in my heart. Although this "friend" can't give you a linguistic response and answer your words, he will let you feel your own existence, feel cared and valued.

When you learn to face the loneliness, you can calm yourself down, objectively look at what is happening, try to eliminate the interference of subjective factors, and find yourself the best way to deal with it. In the process, maybe you won't find a solution to the problem, but you can find a little firefly, illuminate the darkness ahead, let you not get lost, not despair, and rely on your own strength to face difficulties and face life. .

First day: winter temperature