Life north facing ideal south

Life is facing north towards the south. <br /> I have never thought of going to Jiangnan, and I have been waiting for several years. This is how life is like this, and I can’t help myself.
The post-80s generation was tagged with special labels because of the connection between the old and the new. If you can choose, I will still choose 80. Because I found that there is no such thing as a choice in life.
I was born in the countryside, and the days were blue and blue. The dream is just scattered rubble in the fields and grass, no one picks up, no one wants to pick it up. The days are always dull, not a little bit bleak.
At that time, the school was in a small town far from the village, and it took a long and long dirt road to arrive. If you touch the rainy days, the road is full of mud, you can only roll the pants to the top of your knees, rain, step on the mud, and squat deep in the foot. However, no matter when you recall it, it is always very sweet, and even the hard shadows can't be found. Every day, I started with the village partners, chasing along the way, and the time flies. Unconsciously, there are fewer and fewer students around the school, and there are fewer and fewer people. In the end, I am left alone. I walked on the dirt road and walked for six years. In the six years, I always missed the classmates and playmates who went to school together and left midway. It was very sad.
In the early 1990s, I was promoted to middle school. The school is nearly five kilometers away from the town town farther away from the town and needs to be reached by bicycle. At that time, the bicycle was not very popular, so people of the same age like me would not ride a bicycle.
From the village to the county, everything became very fresh, whether it was the wearing of the surrounding students or the manner of talking, it made me feel like I was from another strange place. I tried to integrate into their circles, but I found it difficult to get into their inner world. Later, I read it in the language textbook. This is called the background of life determinism.
When I was first asked in class about "What is your ideal?", I clearly remember that my whole brain is chaotic and unconscious. And the voices of many classmates in the classroom are one after another - "I want to be a scientist", "I want to be a doctor", "I want to be a writer"... This is my first time in the face of ideals, I don’t even Know its true face, why it comes, where to go.
After I was in high school, I had to face a new problem again - poverty. This disparity caused by the family and social background has become a more prominent social microcosm than the national three years, and it is placed in front of me. It was also at this time that I understood why my father had been strictly demanding. Poor thinking.

When I was in high school, I wanted to go out. This was in a geography class in the spring of that year, I looked at the sudden blue sky and the sudden touch of the sky. At the time, all the centers focused on the issue of going to school. Schools and society do not allow students to have a little bit of inconsistency. Ideally, at this time, the performance is surprisingly consistent and open-minded – admitted to a key university.
Perhaps many people default to the unique rules of this life mode, whether poor or rich.
In my first year at college, the female classmates in the next class jumped from the top floor of the dormitory. The cause of death was very simple. The boyfriend re-find a girl with a noble family. At the time, I was guilty of paying tuition fees. When I first entered school, my father, East Norse, joined in, and barely got tuition fees before I entered school smoothly. But in the second year, my father was at home, broke the source of the economy, and the tuition fee was not settled. Even though I use all my free time to work part-time outside the school, the astronomical figures of tuition fees are still far away. The female students around have long been wearing makeup, wearing gold and silver, and entering various celebrities.
In the year of my senior year, the school resolutely detained my diploma because the tuition was not paid. Just when I was at a loss, I didn’t know where my father had collected the almost astronomical tuition. When he handed the banknote to me, I suddenly felt the feeling of being overwhelmed. It was not the money, but the feeling that my father had been ten years old, making me feel like a world. He did not say anything, but he walked silently. For many years, this kind of eye contact has become the most direct language between me and him.
I thought that the hardware for finding a job is nothing more than two. One is professional technology and the other is special interest. And what I rely on is only two of them. One month before graduation, I was admitted to a network company in Wuhan to do a copywriting plan. For the first time in my career, I only switched to a private enterprise in Shaoxing, Zhejiang, in less than 10 days. The only reason to attract me is to do the editing.
After entering the workplace, the embarrassment I faced was even better than before. This kind of family background and educational environment has become a very clear boundary between me and my colleagues around me. If I used to abandon my family, then now, I am fortunate to be my rural origin, because I am still in the scars, I can still seek the ideal of being close to the land and keeping my heart pure.
Just in the workplace, I have to choose a compromise and must accept all the frustrations and rules. I spent half a year searching for the breakthrough, trying to make myself humble, and defending my inner ideals.
I personally practiced the idea of ​​going out to travel in the geography class on the second year of the year. I just didn't think that going to Jiangnan had to experience so many twists and turns. If it is only a distant dream to set foot on Jiangnan, it is only a dream to seek survival in the cracks. It will eventually be covered with scars and exposed to the broad daylight and accept the red dust baptism.