Give imperfection a hug

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On February 8, 2019, a 20-year-old beautiful girl from China’s Residents committed suicide by burning charcoal.

"Dear Mom: I know that I am not qualified to encourage you to be strong and not to cry for me, etc... I am really too tired... I have settled the collapsed heart again and again in eight years, and when it collapses again, I am again I can't do anything, only the biting teeth endure the opportunity to look for adjustment, and the reality of affairs is delayed, the beauty of reality is destroyed, I am really tired..."

In the suicide note, it is far from frank that he has been afflicted with obsessive-compulsive disorder for eight years and is suffering.

"Please don't save me."

This is a sentence written in English on a testament left to the police.

When I saw these words, my thoughts were chaotic. In these years, the suicides of growing children have occurred frequently. What are the hidden sources behind such tragedies? Who is the carrier of sin? In addition to the negative factors brought about by social development, there seems to be a corner of blind pursuit and neglect of parents. At the moment, too many parents put a heavy load on their children. Little by little, one day, an endless increase, the child feels tired, feels bitter, feels powerless, until he feels unable to breathe, and finally escapes from the overloaded pressure in an escape way, fleeing the gloomy world in a fading way. "I am really too tired," I really hope that people will think about this sentence thousands of times. I will experience the sigh of a good flower girl from the bottom of my heart for thousands of times. How helpless, how sad, how miserable. How weak, how tired, how tired, how tired...

"Please don't save me."

She has resolutely decided to leave the world. Isn't there such a colorful world worthy of her attachment? Isn't there such a vast world without the holy land that her soul is pinned? When I saw this sentence, in my mind, a weak and beautiful girl flashed, how calm, how relaxed, and how safe she was when she closed her lost bright eyes.

Eight years of obsessive-compulsive disorder, Mom and Dad did not find out, what are they doing? What are you busy with? Unbelievable and incredible. My mother is a teacher at Nanjing No. 1 Middle School. She is active and vigorous, and always walks in the forefront of her peers. She is a leader and a special teacher. Dad is a university professor. He must be a talented person with remarkable achievements and many excellent fathers and mothers. While they tirelessly educated a group of students, they cultivated a group of talents for the country and the society. At the same time, they cultivated their daughters into a wide range of interests, excellent achievements, and positive progress. A bright, cheerful, understanding child. Perhaps, they have always been proud and proud to have such a daughter. Unfortunately: they failed to find that their daughter was suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Thinking of this, should we reflect on it and re-examine it? What do we care about? It is external, it is achievement, it is skill, but it is spirit, it is emotion, it is psychology. Compare, which one is what we should pay more attention to, and should we invest more? It is not difficult to find that cultivating a child with a healthy mind and body is far more important than cultivating a smart child. Far away fathers and mothers are the mainstay of society. They have their own careers and their own pursuits. This seems to be beyond reproach. It is a pity that there are many such families, how many such parents, they only care about their own pursuits, their own work, their own enjoyment, and neglect the children's most needed companionship. If the mother who claims to be a thick line can be delicate, go into the far inner world, and communicate with her daughter from time to time, often to explore, perhaps the obsessive-compulsive disorder will not happen, or early detection, early treatment. She will not send such feelings: "If you can come back, I must be a full-time mother, and accompany the children at several key points of the child's growth." If, Dad can free up enough time Accompanied her little cotton jacket, infected his daughter with his strong and flexible, perhaps far from being alone, one person to go.

Here, how much I want to express my wishes: Dear parents, please give more time to the children, pay more attention to the children, and communicate more to the children. More often, our children need not to give material, but It is a spiritual food; our children need not perfect, but a shortcoming. Don't let our children grow up in loneliness, let alone our children feel the irrigation and nourishment of love, don't let their minds dry up, don't let them lose the ability to love, don't let their souls have no support. Beautiful holy place. While teaching children to give imperfections a hug, as parents, we should understand to give imperfections a hug.

It seems that living far away in a perfect family, two excellent intellectual parents, all excelling, set a benchmark for far-reaching example, far from the next step in such an impact to the excellent. She loves sports, sings, and enjoys playing the flute and playing percussion. I visited Singapore, South Korea, Australia and New Zealand during my high school years. From small to large, I didn’t let my parents have too much heart, good study, wide interest, and strong self-care ability. "You don't know how capable my daughter is, high emotional intelligence, lots of friends, cheerful personality, and calm things. The matter of studying abroad is also decided by her own. The school she is looking for also applies for scholarships, visas, and tickets. "The far mother said so proudly." "Positive, full of ideals, barely admit defeat. Perhaps it is her perfect pursuit of life, let her leave everything in her hometown of the windmill forever." Yes, it is incredible, it is Excessively perfect family environment, so that there is always a mountain in front of us, a mountain that she can never surpass, no matter how hard she tries, it is still insurmountable after all, which brings far fear, her extreme self-esteem. The perfect parents bring to the children an invisible high standard, which is not what parents want to give. “There is no fish in the water to the clear”, this sentence may explain the imperfection in perfection. It’s hard to be a parent!

Make love more scientific, more reasonable, more appropriate for children, learn to give healthy love to children, do not let love become a kind of violence, distorting the child's heart, and contributing to the child's bad habits. Refusing to love, can not indulge children, but must be appropriate to give children more independence, free growth conditions and space, less demanding, more understanding, lower standards, eliminate benchmarks. Allow children to make mistakes, give them a little bit of willfulness, and know that mistakes are their patents.

I want to say to the growing children:

Life is not only good, there are too many unpleasant, too many regrets, too many losses, too much unbearable, all these are the contents of life, at any time, tell yourself: may accept it; That's it. Many times we need this: allow yourself to be weak, promise to let go, admit that you are incompetent, stop and take a break. Seeing your own shortcomings in far-away life, seeing your own vulnerability, seeing your own imperfections, and then facing it calmly, accepting it with pleasure.

Remember: 瑕疵 is an indispensable element in the growth of life.

Don't care too much about the results, because the process is the most meaningful. Don't care too much about achievement, because hard work is the embodiment of life.

Growing up is a long and arduous process. At the same time, it should be a process of life experience. In the years when everyone grows up, there are joys, tears, happiness, pain, enmity, hardships, storms, rainbows, sweetness, bitterness, success, failure, passion, and powerlessness. There are sunshine and haze, ... everything is an element of life and an indispensable factor for growth into a healthy personality. Every experience should be precious, and it should be wonderful, whether it is so-called good or so-called bad. They bring to everyone a different experience, different thinking, different progress, different ascension. So don't bring personal feelings to the experience, don't welcome anything, or reject anything. Everything that happens to you is treated with a calm attitude. It is not without choice, but there is no choice at all. It cannot be said that our temperament is high, but that you are losing while you are rejecting. What's more, in life, there are too many experiences that are beyond their control and cannot be controlled. Life has to experience too many imperfections. Since you can't escape, you can't hide, why can't you be brave, open your arms, and give a imperfect hug? Since everything is necessary and cannot be chosen, then why not be optimistic and smile at the gray sky? This is actually a life attitude, nothing more.

Everyone will experience a complicated world, and no one's sky will always be a bright sun, and no one's sky will always be a black cloud. "There are yin and gloom in the moon, people have joys and sorrows, and this is an ancient and difficult thing." "There is no eternal night in the world, and there is no eternal winter in the world." So, on a large scale, not the world is too complicated, but we see the world. The angle is too paranoid; not the fate is too rough, but our ability to accept things is too weak; not too many things change, but our attitude towards the phenomenon is too narrow. Broad, strong, open-minded, optimistic, spring and spring, winter also has winter charm.

Dress up your life with a smile, use the calm to meet the challenge, nourish the heart with love, use the hug to accommodate the regrets, use the sentiment to annotate life, and enjoy the experience with experience. You will feel that life is like a clear spring, and there is an inexhaustible vitality; you will feel that life is like a poem, showing a rich and wonderful.

Don't let regrets become the obstacles under your feet, let alone the pain that is lingering in your life, don't let the weak heart be immersed in the poison of time, and inadvertently ignore the happiness of the present. Let go of the once-infatuation, let the rest of the rest, cross the soul of the entanglement of the soul, do not cry, do not look back, Mo Zhen, never step into the next wind forest.

Give a perfect hug!

Sixth grade: Li Fangfei