Not at all, own voice

01

This year's birthday, I spent at work. In the morning, I worked overtime in the company to discuss new advertising cases. I rushed to the radio station to record the six-week program for the week at noon. In the evening, I returned to the company to change the article, do the final planning, and wait until busy. I noticed that the time has passed in the early hours of the morning, I opened the phone and saw many missed calls and messages. Many of my friends sent a birthday blessing. At this time, I realized that this year’s birthday is just like the usual busy day. It is.

The company is empty, no one, only the lights in my office are still on, sitting in front of the computer for a long time, the shoulders are sore, when I stand up, my bones squeak, I don’t feel hungry without dinner, I pour a glass of water, stand Look down at the floor-to-ceiling windows on the 21st floor of the office. At this time, my heart is different from the past.

The whole city has slept, and the neon lights in the distance outside the window have been extinguished. Only the street lights are shining on the road to the night. The world is quiet like a kindergarten without children, but some people are still hidden in this silence. In the depths, crying arrogantly, laughing arrogantly, and others will be like me, in the dark night, calmly looking at this world that seems to have nothing to do with him, there is a deep affection in my heart.

People are very strange animals. They will change with the surrounding environment or the weather. For example, they will feel happy when they are sunny. They will be sad when they are cloudy. When they are sunny, they will be lively and active. If they are at night, they will feel lonely and lonely. .

I am like this. Sometimes I wake up slowly on the weekend morning. If the sun shines through the thick curtains, I will have hope in my heart, happily get up, clean the house, write text and read books. But if it is cloudy, it will continue to pull the quilt over the top of the head, and it may be on the bed all day. These things that seem normal to us seem to be inner tricks to blind themselves or to find a proper reason for some behavior.

Just like at this moment, the street lights in the night poke a hole in the dark, illuminate a small range, someone walks down the light, but will soon fall back into the darkness, I look at the light and shadow that is overrepeating, Can not help but laugh, this subtle sense of subtlety, like the ups and downs of our mood. Those darkness, only when they encounter the next streetlight, or occasionally a wind blows, will float and rise and fall.

In the early hours of the birthday, I have a feeling of openness, standing alone in the office overlooking the city in the dark, is completely different from the daytime. During the day, I feel that the city is at the foot, or can't get into it. At night, it is more like the city is in my heart. It is like a ghost, and it is like a ghost, and it is accompanied by your life, accompanied by you, with you. With you disappearing.

I used to imagine that I stood here like this, but in this situation, I didn’t imagine the pride or excitement in it, because I know that there is always a moment to wake up when you are on the road in your dreams. There is always a waiting at dawn.

Whether it is a smooth light, or a desperate silence, people always move forward, and you want to reach tomorrow, so don't stop at this moment.

02

In the past few days, I chatted with a few friends in the group and talked about some inner topics. Everyone joked that the distance is a psychologist's pie, and the heart is strong. I laughed at the computer, where the world is born with powerful people, everything is just a realization after the growth. I joked to tell them that there is no way, it is all forced out by society. Everyone is deeply impressed.

I used to do a lot of ridiculous things. In order to let others remember, in order to be different from others, to wear strange clothes, to dye strange hair, to write articles that I don’t want to say but very special, I have shaped it again and again. But it is different from yourself. Now I understand that what really changes oneself or that is different from others is not the deliberate work, but the hardship the world gives itself.

In the middle of the country, I did social practice classes and were arranged to sell newspapers on the streets. In the winter, I rode to the factory in the suburbs, and then I went to the streets to sell them. I bought one for one dollar and three for a pack of milk. I have forgotten how much I have fallen, and I have forgotten how hard it was at that time. I only remember the strange sights of pedestrians, and the cold, the red nose and the cracked back of the hand, even if it was thick and heavy. Going home at night was too cold to speak, and when I wrote the practice diary, I held back my tears.

I participated in various part-time jobs during my sophomore year and did a lot of work. I was willing to try all kinds of strange jobs. I promoted the freezer outside the electric city, held the flag to show the new mobile phone along the street, and put flyers at the intersections. My classmates are wondering why I have to do such a hard job, I can't make much money, and I don't have any practical work experience. I just smiled and said that I can feel the hardships of life in advance and know how to go in the future. .

I started working as a part-time planner in a famous media company. Now I am a very hot entertainment program on TV. It is the prototype I once planned. I write down the column planning, arrange notices, do all kinds of trivial things, and buy errands for formal employees. Things, the leaders praised me for being serious and diligent. I was initially proud, but gradually I smelled the smell in the air, and when I finally got out of the company, I clearly heard the exaggerated laugh behind me, and it was clear. I heard the sound of my teeth.

I once gave a photographer a second assistant. I went to the hotel for a cocktail party on a late winter night. I wore the best clothes at the time, but he was left behind by the door and refused to enter. I was the most conspicuous in the cold wind. The position waited for four hours, without money, wearing a thin, cold body shivering. Later, the first assistant of the same company looked at me poorly, spent 13 pieces and bought me a sirloin rice bowl, and I ate it hot. I was kneeling beside the flower pond next to the hotel, and I ate the cold wind and ate the dinner that had already cooled.

When I graduated, I had a good job opportunity. I started a market in a magazine. The starting salary was 5,000 yuan. When my classmates had not found a job or the salary was only 2,000 yuan, I had already left them behind. I regard it as a reward for the hard work of the university over the past few years. After three passes, the Ministry of Personnel has already notified me to go to work on Monday. I was pleased to invite the classmates to eat the day before, and I received a call during the intertwined meeting. , I was told that I was not used, and someone has replaced me. At that time, I clearly heard the sound of "squeaky" in my heart.

At that time, I was puzzled and rushed to the company. I wanted to see a person in charge, but the sister at the front desk took me out without looking at me. The director of the marketing department couldn't bear to sneak out and see me. I asked for coffee at the Jianwai SOHO downstairs. I told me a lot of things, including my work. Finally, she said, you are still too young, not worthy of the world, replacing you. The daughter of the company's largest investment boss, how can you win her? At that time, I heard such words, hated my incompetence, and hated the unfairness of the world.

After working for one year, I was dug by a media company in Shanghai. I worked very well and my relationship was good. But later, the editor-in-chief asked me to talk and said that I would give me the opportunity to let me go to a bigger place. I believed it was true at the time, but then I realized that the editor-in-chief had already said my bad things after the predecessors, saying that I was deceiving the company to accept private work, saying that I casually asked for salary increases and said so many things I had never done before. At that time, many common friends broke off with me. Some people later dismissed misunderstandings with me, and some of them, with such deep misunderstandings, have since moved away from my life.

There are still many, and there are still difficult things to talk about. Those are the past that I almost never mention. In such an early spring, at this moment, when the city is hidden in the dark, they seem to die. The resurrection ignited the last bit of my heart.

I have been constantly comforting myself. The pain we have suffered comes from our deep love. Some people thank the suffering for moving forward, because it makes you grow and makes you strong. However, the hardships of the past have made me more and more aware of myself. Some things you encountered at the time may not understand its meaning, but some things will show different appearances after long-term fermentation in your heart, reminding them repeatedly. Yourself.

Our day, it is such a contradiction and complicated come. Once my father told me that your life can be chosen, and everything in the world must be accepted, but your heart cannot be changed. So I learned to accept it without choosing. In the still young age, I called it the world or the heavens and the earth, and after the transformation of the world, when those difficulties made me become indestructible, I called it - world.

The so-called human fireworks is such a word that can sometimes be warm and sometimes indifferent. The so-called human world is the moment when the light is sometimes dark and sometimes dark.

Yes. They are attached around our body and come.

03

Some friends have asked me awkwardly. Some people misunderstood why you didn't explain it. Why are you belonging to you being taken away by others? Why are you not robbing? Are you a fool? Some friends have asked me why I have worked so hard, but there is no People know? Why do I do so many things, but there are always people who are not satisfied. Where am I doing well?

I used to be like this. I also envied the possession of others. I also felt that I was not understood. I also care about the eyes and evaluations of others. I also tried revenge and resentment. I will also tell myself what he is, and I will try my best to prove that I can.

Some people slandered me and argued fiercely. Some people misunderstood me and explained it to others. If someone doesn't like me, I will ask why, if someone insults me, I will use a more vicious language to retaliate. I also have a lot of dark hearts and emotions. I have hated a person in my heart, and I will curse this society with viciousness. It will also be weak in the face of high pressure. I did do a lot of things that I can't understand now.

Yes, I used to live and turn myself into the most annoying person.

There is nothing to dare to admit. I can only move towards a better self by acknowledging the imperfect self in the past. A senior told me later, don't be so anxious, go to school psychology, look at the Buddhist scriptures, read ancient books, let yourself calm down, walk with the edge, will sting to others and yourself, only to converge yourself, can Glowing.

After continuous study and introspection and introspection, I finally understand that the world will not be rewarded for your efforts, nor will you be asked to treat others equally because of how you treat others. The hardest thing for people to live in this world is to maintain a humble and peaceful peace, and this humility comes from inner sincerity and hard work.

So, don't try to explain any misunderstandings and distortions in the world. All that exists is truth. No one's success is a vain. They must pay the effort and cost that you didn't think of, talent, opportunity, luck, and effort. Things, appearances, and even disgraceful things are all there is nothing to doubt.

Everyone is not the one you see. They are the angels with wings and pure and kindness on one side, and the devils with the nightshade on the other. The fragility and timidity in their hearts, the vanity and cowardice they do not want to admit, are hiding under those glamour. When they also stumbled, they also saw the sufferings of the world. They also hesitated before they chose. They also gave up the opportunity in a foolish way. When they were cold-eyed against their subordinates, they suddenly remembered that someone had treated themselves like this. .

After so many years have passed, when I have lived the life I want, and I have been proud of others in the eyes of others, I have to admit that I am humble and shallow, and I have to face my own embarrassment. Only when you see the darkness, work hard. If you break through him, you will enter the new heaven and new earth and discover different ones.

This world is awkward, so there is nothing terrible. Everyone has the pain of not being able to vent, and there is depression that cannot be solved. And who lives here, which one is not trying to do everything, even live by any means.

Over the years, I have gradually learned to accept, accept accidents, accept mistakes, accept misunderstandings, accept efforts but temporarily fail to return, accept the cruelty of the world, accept the defects in us. We can't change the world, but we still choose not to compromise. I still let myself work hard to love and to think about what I want in my heart. Because only in this way, I can feel real and be happy.

If life takes away what belongs to me, it must be that I am not qualified enough to own it. If someone misunderstands and blames themselves for rumors, it is good to stay away from such people. It’s mine, it’s mine, it’s not mine, and it’s going to be a fight. Why bother, or silently do a bystander in the corner, let it go, take it easy, and live your life.

If life hurts you, don't be discouraged. The road to life must be hard, but we still have to experience, feel, and accept in our own way. For the goodness it once gave us, it used to be Give tears and warmth.

In the beginning and the end, in real life, we often come into the game when the general situation is unchangeable, but we leave early in the chaos of victory and defeat. Yes, everything has not yet settled, and you are willing to be the lost person.

I once suspected that it was painful and hesitated. Now, I chose to forgive once, forgive myself in the past, and I learned to grow it all.

People who understand will always understand, and those who do not understand will always misunderstand. This is what I said to my friend last.

04

When I walked through the years that I once forbeared and then looked back, I discovered that the past that I felt difficult to talk about was just a drop in the ocean. What life gave me was not the hardship, but the growth. It is to learn to lift weights and it will be impossible to let go. Those who have been in the past are all put down.

You have to believe that everyone in your life has its own value and meaning. Some people teach you to love, and some things teach you to grow, even if it is only shallow, leaving a mark on your path. A valuable treasure. At least at some point, you understand life and you know yourself.

The world is so lively, countless people on the Internet have been bombarded, some people love to send pictures, some people love paragraphs, some people love to swear, some people love to take selfies, they live alive and radiant, but some people will follow my life. Growing up silently, they may not be incompatible with the world, they may no longer accept attention, but please remember that they have the same upward power as you.

In my different stages of growth, I have different answers to the peaks I have reached. Now I feel that through hard work, we are really feeling your sincerity and giving this sincere acquiescence. More importantly, by working hard, not letting the world change your mind, the more people grow up, the more precious the initial heart is. At this moment, the person who is a backlight in this world is what I want to do.

Some people say that there is a light, some people say that they have to face the light, but I want to be a backlit person. If you shine, you will illuminate others, but you will accidentally lose yourself. If you walk in the face, it will be bright and bright, but you will not be able to see the road ahead because of the dazzling. Only by facing the light can you see the world in order to see through the success or failure, and to understand what you really want.

I think of a very hot sentence: this kind of effort is because I don't want to be like most people. Such positive energy highlights the existence and particularity of the individual. But I am not like this. I told my friends that the reason why I worked hard today is to be like myself.

I used to try my best to live on the road and live for my own dreams. I used to bite my teeth and be brave and strong, and live for the life I want. And I am continuing to travel today, in order to live up to my own self, to do what I have done as I used to, and to be able to stand up to the forbearance and persistence.

In this world, everything can be arranged, only your heart. It’s not a terrible thing to lose anyone in this world, but you have lost yourself. There is still a long and long road in the future. I have to go by myself, all by myself. With its own ability to complete, this road, the story is the moment of yesterday, along a long road, like a dream, forever.

If you don't seriously consider how to go on at the beginning, then continue to follow the inner road and do the wanderer who has no hesitation in his own generosity, so that everyone who wants to play himself will be happy.

The city has gradually awakened, white light occupies every corner of the city, no one will think that in the darkness of the past, someone wrote some words, bid farewell to the time, and some people are grateful in the darkness of no one. heart. In this world, there are always people who live in ways you have never thought of, and there are always people who are backing up for the growth of their own self.

A rare sunny morning, working for one night, I drove to the way home, and countless people were on their way to work. They are no different from me, and they are the same as me. The way they go to work is so congested, and I run counter to each other, but it is rare and smooth. I squeezed through the crowd and left blanks. I filled in different colors for my future. On the second day of my birthday, in the new year, I silently told myself to be a person who still has the responsibility.

This letter is now a blank letter to the blank, what to write, what to leave, please feel free, please feel free, but don't forget. Don't think about everything else. Don't think that all your eyes are on you. Don't use your ruler to measure the world, so you will feel that life is good.

I remembered the copy of an advertisement, and at the end, I gave you the opportunity to see you here. Never forget the determination of your own departure. Don’t forget every one of you in this time, you must not forget your inner peace. ——

In this era, everyone is talking loudly, and everyone is racing against time. We used the fastest speed to stand on the height, but we also lost our attitude in an instant. When the horn sounded over the engine, we had already forgotten that the modest way is the gentleman. You ask me what I need in this era, to be quiet when others are jealous, and to speak when everyone is quiet.

Not awkward, self-sounding.