I still choose to stay here.

If you choose to go home during the Spring Festival, you have to adjust your life mode to the state before the age of 18.

We are in Beijing, frequently adjusting friends circle, changing jobs, moving, buying new clothes, falling in love and breaking up. Every day, it is possible to change several patterns. The people in their hometown are still used to copying and posting the life of each day. Parents pay attention to three meals a day, the home furnishings are still the same, the old students are not accidentally registered with the objects of the past love, when people meet and ask, when will you ask to come back.

They said that this is the home, they said that they are too tired to live outside.

We are growing up in the seemingly flashing north, and the family squats silently.

The sofa and the TV never talk, but the time is sneaking from above.

My brother said that if he could raise me, he would never want me to live so hard in a girl alone in Beijing.

At night when I had a drink together, I couldn’t stop the flow of tears after listening to this. It seems that the bitter and sour fragments that have been suppressed in these years suddenly reappear from the original scene, and a drum beats on the lacrimal gland, mixing the taste of tobacco alcohol and dancing.

I saw four suitcases dragged down from the long-distance bus, because I was not willing to take a taxi to the bus stop, asking the ticket seller to wait a little longer and I moved the boxes one by one. Put your luggage in the classmate's residence. The three boys lived in a partition of less than six square meters, and they could barely enter the luggage. Rent a basement with no signal on the phone, go to the nearby Internet cafes at night, and kindly help the friends to provide rental information.

I saw a call from the boss in a hurry to move, to complete the work that other colleagues were unwilling to complete on weekends, and let the moving master who had arrived wait for a few more hours.

I saw that at 3 o'clock in the morning, while quarreling at home, I was changing my own plan. I finished my work and left home. I walked on the street with the cold wind and felt that no one in the world would understand me.

I saw that the pigeons were placed by the second landlord facing the already packed bags, but there was nowhere to go.

Time and time again, I forced myself to climb out of the seemingly endless abyss and discovered that it was not a hurdle.

I learned to swim in the swimming pool before the Spring Festival, and I struggled in the deep water area that could completely submerge me. I finally mastered it. Tell yourself at that time, you must swim up, or you will sink.

In the face of difficulties, whoever does not warn yourself, you must go, or the story will end.

During the holidays, I met with my classmates in high school. After graduating from college, I left Qingdao. I lived a different life, struggled in the workplace, studied academics, or changed from one man to another.

On the way home, passing through the Qingdao Library, I suddenly remembered myself at the age of 18, getting up early every weekend, waiting outside the library without opening the door, crowds were crowded, and the seats were quickly occupied after opening the door. Make a thick set of exercises, record the places that you don't understand, and eat a few mouthfuls of soda crackers with your words at noon. In the evening, there were college students who came to class at home and hurried back to the topic.

At that time, there was no distracting thoughts, no social media that couldn't be put to the hand, and no sighs of sighs when I thought of it, except that the sleep time was like a robot that had to run forward in front of a clockwork.

It turns out that when I was young, my dreams could have such a great strength. At that time, I wanted to arrive in Beijing with all the power.

Then I finally came. Then the next stop.

During the Spring Festival, I have been preparing dishes with my mother in the kitchen. I know that she hopes that every day will become like this. In the kitchen, I like the floral apron and the large functioning oven. I have my favorite American furniture and beautiful curtains in the large vacant bedroom. I have the most spacious and spacious bay window and the view of the sea. A retro dressing table that I have always wanted from small to large.

All of this really belongs to me no more than 10 days a year, like a dream that I can achieve at any time but never reach.

I gave up on it and stumbled and lived in the crowded Beijing. Think about what to wear today in front of the stuffed old wardrobe, and start a new day in the MRT and elevator where everyone seems redundant. Tolerate the chores of dating and old friends gatherings at any time by phone, relying on the feelings of false feelings to warm up.

Here, there is a place closest to the dream.

And you and me, like a moth that fights fire, struggles and prays for light.