When suffering is longer than imagined

Whenever someone says to me, "Keep it up, you must do it!" I want to believe, but I really don't know, what do I believe. Is it evidence? Is it strength? Is it a condition? Is the light in front? Is it leaked out, even a hint of hope?

It is a pity that I have not done everything above.

I believe it, but it is lost. I believe again, and then fail. Believe again, once again lost. ... Until one day, even myself had to be suspicious of my fate.

When it is helpless, I am eager to have someone around me love me, support me, encourage me, and accompany me forever. I long for that I have such a person, let me say: Even if I lose the world, I am not afraid, because I still have you, and you are enough.

It is a pity that I have nothing.

If anyone still comes to talk to me about the word "love", I have nothing to say except laughing.

I really envy all the gods and monks. People in Fuzhou don't know why you can't understand why you can call the word "God".

Perhaps, only those outside the city can understand it profoundly.

Four years ago, when I went to work to review English and prepare for the exam, I thought it was a very difficult process. I want to come now, but in fact, anything that is rewarding is the most simple and straightforward thing. You have to know how many infinite payments in this world can't see hope. Do you know how many people are struggling in confusion and have no direction? How many people, even if they have directions, have thoughts, and work hard, are they still not rewarding?

When suffering, it’s a little longer than you think, it’s a lot longer, and you don’t even know if you can finish it.

When you finally understand that the world is far from being as simple as you think,

Excuse me, what is the only thing you can do.

The most recent period of time - in fact, can be said to be a long time - I have been working diligently and sincerely to dream. I participated in all the lectures on job search skills, all the interview points analysis, I did not give up any opportunity to build a network; I am really grateful to everyone who helped me; I am meticulous in doing every temporary I can get. Work; I fill in the online forms of various resumes until I get cramped; I have never slowed down every resume I posted. Every company I carefully studied its background and position; I value every possibility. The predecessors who gave me the opportunity, even if I have been ignored, have been scorned, have been treated with coldness, and have been scorned by the lazy cover, but still coldly projected... But I still do my best to do what I can do. Everything, I still repeatedly give me 100% of my efforts -

Then, every evening, when I saw the dreamy sunset and the burning clouds, when I saw the turquoise waters and lawns of Seattle, I was alone in the car, and I couldn’t help but cry.

The world, so beautiful, but, yes, so cruel.

Is the world fair? Is there a rainbow after the storm? Will people who have been kind to love always meet true love?

I want to say that people have their own lives. Please don't be naive. I don't want to, when the suffering comes, kill you by surprise.

Perhaps, the happiness that has been held for a long time without giving is to wait for happiness to finally knock on the door, you will be more grateful. But what about the ultimate gratitude?

Who, for what, is trying to teach us what?

... I don't understand the laws of the world.

There is only one thing I can do: go forward. No matter how hard, no matter how bitter, no matter how long, go forward. No matter how many sunsets I watch alone, how many tears flow, no matter what the world can be unfairly--

The only thing I can do is: don't give up.

I met a friend from Hong Kong at a friend's birthday party in the past few weeks and have been in the United States for many years. He chatted with him about job hunting, work visas, and changing his status. He told me that he understood my feelings because he had not applied for a full year of application.

- When he said this, it was easy to watch, and he said with a smile, it was like joking. However, if you have not experienced a similar situation, if you are not a struggling poor student, you will not be able to appreciate this "all year", how shocking.

What is even more shocking is that he did not give up after a year without results. He applied for the last chance, a six-month tourist visa, and continued to apply for a resume every day for six months.

For example, one person has already reached the edge of the cliff of hell, and half of the body has fallen, leaving only his hands still on the side of the rock - he did not give up.

After many years have passed, now he is a white-collar worker in Philips, and he can buy a car to buy a house, and finally he can talk and laugh and live in the past.

In fact, the miracle happened in those six months.

When all opportunities are giving up on you, when all the evidence is giving up on you, when those who are not even as good as you are all leaping, when the lover leaves you, when the friends are too busy, they can’t stay with you all the time. Have given up on you, when you are in the boundless darkness, choked, weeping, heartbroken, suffocating,

When everything is giving up on you, even your hot dreams are getting away from you...

friend! The only thing you can do -

Just never give up on yourself!

September 13, 2019

In Seattle

There are two postscripts:

This blog, I wrote in tears. Tears wet the entire keyboard.

In fact, there are countless, this is the first few tearful nights I have ever spent.

Days, good times, so lonely. But I am not willing to give up, because I still have a dream.

Today, I was introduced by a former colleague and got a freelance temporary job, only one day, the content is in my professional scope.

The client is a relatively large company that specializes in training various skills for white-collar workers. Usually such a property should be very rich.

After a day of work, I found that this activity should not be temporary. It should be a full-time formal position. They do have such needs.

I intend to venture into the department head and tell her about the necessity and feasibility of opening this position. Then find some friends in the industry to recommend me.

In fact, I don't expect to see any results. Because, like this kind of things and efforts, I have already done it and I don’t know how many times.

But, you know, I didn't give up. I am still doing it and keep going.

You must be the same!