Inspirational novel: My suffering, my university (9)

Inspirational novel: my suffering my university

[For rural girls, the turning point of fate is to rely on the springboard of marriage, jump well, and the opposite shore will be dark and clear, and the small days can be comfortable. If you don’t jump well, you will be immersed in the sea and the consequences will be disastrous. 】

My embroidered female time only lasted for 8 months. Because of poor management, Songyuan Embroidery Factory quickly closed down. When I pulled the sewing machine home, it was not enough to sell the bowl stone. There was no one on the mountain who was smashing the stone, and the days were even more depressed. The girls in the village who are almost the same size as me have chosen to marry outside the village and escape from a small and white Bai Jingshan. They are not married and are engaged. They are like a pigeon that only escapes from the cage, flying far away, but my future is suddenly picked up. Although the family has never broken the matchmaker, but the parents cling to the "take me to the side of the street" limit, easily do not let go. The snobbery of my parents makes me resentful, and the innate rebellion sprouts in my heart. I have a hunch that maybe I will go against their wishes and do something terrifying.

Shortly after returning home, the crushing unit on the mine had to recruit people. I ran to "apply for employment" and was successfully admitted. So, wearing a dark blue "hood" like Japanese devils, glasses and masks, pulling a metal dump truck, pulling out the processed pebbles or stone powder from the crusher dozens of times a day, and pouring it to 50 meters. The stockyard, let the car or tractor away. Repeatedly, boring and mechanical, life is not a bright color. The huge roar of the crusher shook and the dust filled.

One day, despite wearing a mask, the nostrils were filled with stone powder, and the fingers were gray and thick. The hair and eyebrows that are exposed outside the hood are dyed with frost. When you go home, you can wash it. It is extravagant to wash your face with soap. As for the hair, you can only use the cheapest bee flower shampoo. If not, you can only use it. Washing powder. You must wash once a day, otherwise the hair will not be combed at all. Despite this, I still have a long hair with a waist, although they appear to be yellow due to malnutrition, I carefully crafted them into two large twists every day, swaying behind my yellow army. If it is summer, I like to wash my hair in the river, watching the long hair floating in the water in the river, there is a kind of leisurely happiness. It is a pity that the river in the summer is full of ducks and geese. They play and play in the river, and use the mouth and soles of their feet to smother the water on the river. In order to wash my hair, I have to walk underwater to the depths of the water, almost waist, in order to see the color of the water. I may always wash my hair in the river. There is always a smell of water plants on my hair. It is not fragrant, and even has some astringency. It is close to the smell of dirt, but I like it.

Washing your head in winter is a bit of a hassle. You can only burn some hot water on the briquettes, wash your head with a washbasin, because it is cold, and because it saves hot water, the hair can't be completely cleaned. There is no hair dryer after washing, only natural dry. Sometimes it is too sleepy, often can't wait for the hair to dry, has been tired to sleep. Wet hair sticks to the scalp and sticks to the dawn from winter nights. When I woke up, my hair was curled up and I wouldn't dry it. Perhaps since then, I have fallen into a headache and have not recovered. The headache became the late killer of my life. Isn't the wand of destiny always leaving some cursing marks in people's lives?

At that time, I liked to rain very much. As soon as it rained, the open pit mine could not be mined, and the crusher stopped. I will hold an umbrella for one person, walk more than ten miles, and go to the eight-numbered hair. Since I was 12 years old and came to Wuhu from here, I can't forget the dock that made me dock. In the subconscious, I wish to return to my hometown from this pier. Sometimes, I sit in a remote place on the riverside for a few hours, watching the swaying small fishing boats on the misty and rainy rivers, sad. I hope that there is a boat that can take me away and fly high, and I will never come back. The screams of those Jiang Ou are so earnest that I often sit on the river and cry alone. Cried enough, and then go home with an umbrella.

Now I want to come, a person's life is destined to happen some inexplicable turning, just like walking on the road, will inexplicably wrestle, some people just scratched the fur, climbed up and dust on the clothes to continue. And some people will be smashed and ruined, and the future will be destroyed. For rural girls, the turning point of fate is to rely on the springboard of marriage, jump well, and the opposite shore will be bright and clear, and the small days can be comfortable. If you don’t jump well, you will be immersed in the sea and the consequences will be disastrous.

[This huge tragedy occurred in the fall of 1988. The abnormal death of two fresh lives has left me with a lingering fear. I hate the countryside; hate the poor and ignorant countryside; hate the souls that are numb because of poverty and ignorance! 】

In the autumn of 18 years old, I was trembling and horrified to witness a very tragic thing, which deeply affected my future emotional orientation.

It was a certain evening in the early autumn, the sun just rolled into the mountains, and the nearby Xiaoliu Village suddenly became full of people, and the mourning bursts came from the wind. Soon there was a message that it was said that a 20-year-old girl was hanged. The villagers who like to watch the crowds come out and rush to the village of Xiaoliu, the loudest crying. I also went.

In the countryside, there is nothing more convenient and faster than the hanging, the river, and the rat poison. Almost every year, villages have unreasonable deaths in villages, some because of misconduct, and some because of couples fighting, but there are not many girls like 20-year-old who are dying.

The scene is absolutely shocking. The girl is still barefoot, and there is a little dry black mud on her feet. It is the fertile mud in the rice fields. She should have just returned from the fields to cut rice! She wore a faded red, sturdy shirt on her upper body, her cuffs were high, and there were two patches on her shoulders. She was lying on the door panel, her face was covered with a broken straw hat, and the thin clothes were squatting with two small hoe-like breasts. The thin body was motionless, and a thick scorpion fell on the door panel. I couldn't help but have a big chill. I don't know her, but I feel pain and fear.

Her home is crowded with people. There are sly, crying, and inquiring. The loudest cry should be her mother, screaming at the ground, and cursing something. I also cried. I saw a suicide note left by the girl and was circulated by many people. It was a red paper stuck to the door during the Spring Festival. It was very irregular and the paper was faded. The word was written on the opposite side of the red paper with a ballpoint pen. There were only a few words on the top: "I am dead, you are I can't take me anymore. I am really in love with Xiaojiuzi. You have to force me to marry someone else, and I will die for you. I will hate you when I die!" Three shocking exclamation marks, Expressed the despair and hatred of this girl. At this moment, she lay quietly on the door panel, silently dying, silently protesting her hatred. A rural girl, the only one who can dominate is his own life.

How can my tears stop squatting down? Once upon a time, I also wanted to die! Although not for love. So a weak woman, for love, she has no ability to compete with her strong family, she can only resist death. How tragic and tragic this courage is!

From the people’s talks, I roughly figured out that this girl was free to fall in love with a young man named Xiaojiu in the village, but her parents disliked the man’s family and brothers, and the family was poor and resolutely disagreed. The girl completely died, her parents asked her to give her a match, found a nephew selling coal balls in the city, and received a three thousand yuan bride price, ready to be married on August 16th. The desperate girl and the little nine son decided to run away, but the night did not go out halfway, the parents and friends who were heard from the news intercepted and went back. The angry relatives and friends discounted the legs of Xiaojiuzi and pulled the girl home. It’s up. Only a week later, the girl chose to commit suicide.

The dead girl did not get completely relieved and stable. Her death was regarded by her parents and relatives as the sin of Xiaojiuzi, so she carried her body to the home of Xiaojiuzi, forcing Xiaojiu’s family to be the girl’s soul for three days, and to be in the home of Xiaojiu’s family. All the furniture items were smashed and smashed, and the house was not removed. At night, Xiao Jiuzi drank a bottle full of pesticides, clinging to the body of his girlfriend, and hate away.

This huge tragedy occurred in the fall of 1988. The abnormal death of two fresh lives has left me with a lingering fear. I hate the countryside; hate the poor and ignorant countryside; hate the souls that are numb because of poverty and ignorance!
Perhaps at that time, I had the idea of ​​fleeing the countryside. "Death must die outside!" I wrote this line in the diary.

[My heart is like a knife, for the first time I feel that my parents are so strange and "smack"! I broke my heart and cried, and the rebellious mentality grew like a wild grass in my heart--I must leave this inhumane home, and instead of being "sold" by my parents, it is better to go out and sway. 】

The Spring Festival in 1989 is on schedule. Because my mother’s debts were not finished, my family had a bleak Spring Festival. There is no new clothes, new shoes, or even a bit of meat. A pot of tofu cabbage stewed winter powder had a big dinner.

This year, it is destined to be the disaster year of my family. Also in the summer, the mother relapsed. Actually it is gallstones! It’s strange that the mother after cutting off half of the gallbladder actually has stones. The operation was still done at the railway hospital. As a result, the mother was saved, but she owed a thousand dollars in huge debts! Really worse. The whole family felt tremendous pressure and suffocation. Earning money and paying off debts has become a top priority for this stormy home!

Maybe God still cares for me, just when I was in the darkness of life, he held out a hand that led the way and pulled me out of the darkness - just the second day after my mother was discharged from the hospital, there was a village in the village. The young man who worked for his father in Shanghai Baosteel came home to come to the farm. One night, he came to my house to come to the door. He talked about the prosperity of Shanghai and a fresh and unfamiliar vocabulary - working. Dachuan told me that there are now a lot of farmers working in Shanghai, and the work is everywhere. Just find a dishwashing job and earn hundreds of dollars a month. day! That is enough for me to work on the crusher for two or three months. The words "work", like two small candles, slowly burned in front of my eyes.

When I came to Xiaojingshan, I met Dachuan. We often borrowed books from each other and worked hard together. They often went to the TV family to watch "Volleyball Women". He is a brother of three, he is the second child. We often hear him being beaten and screamed by his grumpy mother. After crying, he climbs up and goes to the arable land. At the age of 16, he is as physically active as a 26-year-old man, and he is as strong as a calf. When Dachuan was 18 years old, he fortunately took over his father's work, went to Shanghai Baosteel, worked as a contract worker, and became the envy of all the children in Xiaojingshan. Listening to him and talking about the various benefits of Shanghai, my heart is restless.

I told my parents that I was going to work in Shanghai. They jumped up like a thunder, and the stepfather first expressed strong opposition! In our village, at that time, no girl left the city and went to work in such a remote place. The mother in the illness is afraid that I will not go back, but I am resolutely opposed! I wiped my tears for a while, and I was looking for a rope to hang for a while... There was another fierce quarrel in the family. This time, I am not allowed to make a mistake: What is wrong with me going out to earn money and pay off debts?

In a hurry, my mother actually said, "I can't help you choose a good family, order a pro, the bride price is enough to pay off the debt." day! What is the difference between selling it and selling me? My heart is like a knife, for the first time I feel that my parents are so strange and "smack"! I broke my heart and cried, and the rebellious mentality grew like a wild grass in my heart--I must leave this inhumane home, and instead of being "sold" by my parents, it is better to go out and sway. If you are okay, come back; if you are not good, die and fall outside. Where is the loess not buried?

The more I think about the more tragic, the more I want to be more excited: I have to go! Be sure to go! I am going to Shanghai, there must be a small place for me to stand on! I was inspired by my own crazy thoughts, and I didn't want to stay at the home of this living dead tomb.

I know I can't convince my parents. In order to run away from home, I chose not to leave! I am "elope" with Dachuan who wants to help me!

I still remember clearly that I wore a white short-sleeved shirt with a triangular patch on my shoulder, a black-and-white plaid skirt, and a pair of plastic sandals that danced on the moonless night. I carried out 14 diaries written in five or six years, and quietly left my home where I lived for six years. In the hut where my sister lived, my sister cried in a hurry, and she promised that I would not tell my parents before dawn. After dawn, the train I took was estimated to have left Anhui Province.

I am crying all the way. I think when the dawn is bright, the mother who still has a bile bag can't find me. What kind of sorrow is; the stepfather's big trick will definitely promote my "elope" scandal in Xiaojingshan. But in addition to all the way to the tears of complicated mood, I have not been able to take care of my parents' reactions. This is the end of the matter, and I can only return to my future without knowing it. As for what the future looks like, I have no reason to speculate. My escape is to challenge the fate! Challenge the world!

Shanghai, can I find my long lost dream here?