No one can give you a sense of security all the time, except yourself.

No one can give you a sense of security all the time, except yourself.

That year on the plane, I was bored with the so-called study abroad life, while listing a list of things to do in the past few years.

Not afraid of everyone's jokes, the first item on this list is: admitted to Cambridge. However, in addition to the three-time IELTS test scored eight points, this article I was a hundred thousand miles. My mom still laughs from time to time. I was running a train full of mouths and zooming in.

The second article I have not been able to do: I always want to be in harmony with the people of all countries before going abroad, and I am happy. The imaginary picture never appeared, and the common college lens in the movie did not appear. If there is such a movie, I don’t even have a dragon. The reason is very simple. If the lens can sweep me, maybe I am not on the way to class, or on the way home, two points and one line.

At that time, I naturally did not foresee that my life would be completely different. Of course, I could not foresee that after N years, I actually found such a wrinkled yellow list in the corner. After carefully reading the list, except for slightly advanced cooking and slightly reduced acne, nothing else seems to be done.

However, I am not at all sad.

The reason is simple because I like myself now. Too many people feel anxious because they are themselves very far away from themselves in the imagination. Too many people will recall it again and again, mostly indicating that they are not doing well now, so they have hated change in the past.

In fact, you think about it, what are you doing last year, you still carry the same bag, you still sit in the same seat, keep the same hairstyle, the person around you still vowed to follow Who are you forever? The change has already happened long ago. Who says that the change takes five years and takes ten years?

Never shun your past, and don't use your past to involve your future.

I said above that if there is really a movie about college life, then I don’t even have a dragon, but in my place, I am my own protagonist. I have a habit of listing all the goals I have to achieve in the near future and the people I want to defeat. After I have surpassed one or completed one, I will cross it out.

You know that things about the future are always uncertain and hesitant. The motivation that others give you will be used up. You only have to find the power from yourself, find your luminous point, and then work hard for it to shine.

This world is like this: Your efforts are only visible to you, and sometimes the results of your efforts are passed by others. You stay up until 3 in the morning, and the next day you can only pretend to go to work without incident. Your eyes are almost indestructible, and the next day you will go early to catch the MRT that will never stop for you. Others always see your photo, saying that you have been very good, and that you have been really moist, but no one knows that you are almost busy sleeping this week.

You think that you can find a savior to talk about, but he doesn't care much. You want to call home to your parents, but suddenly feel that you can't show this side to your parents. Suddenly you want to ask, why the world is not what you want, those that once looked so close, now suddenly become very far away.

Then you suddenly stop and ask yourself, then, what should I do?

I always remember the day when I was on a plane going to a foreign country for the first time. I was three months away from my 17th birthday. My mom is still joking with me: "I regret it now, I can't go back in a moment." I didn't answer her, just repeated thinking: This is my own decision, and I am doomed to my different life. Track. Anyway, it is your choice.

Five years ago, on the third day of the third year, I almost monopolized the first class of all the exams. The liberal arts were always only a little higher than the average score, so that when I said to my buddies that I wanted to write a novel, he looked at it with incredible eyes. Follow me, say to me: You still have to go back to the ancient poems.

When I was in high school, I was lucky enough to take the key science class, but I am not a good student in the standard sense. Early love, cell phone, no school uniform, long hair, these teachers have my shadow in the plot that I can't understand. Now, in retrospect, I am somewhat fortunate, but fortunately I have not completely erased my personality.

It was also the beginning of the year to record the diary. The first page transcribed the lyrics of Mayday's "Stubborn": I am not afraid of thousands of people blocking, I am afraid that I will surrender. Then write a sentence: I want to be like Chen Xinhong.

It seems that I have been abroad for a long time. I have disappeared in a blink of an eye. After two times of cross-border love, I have never died. The first time I listened to the song in Melbourne night, I couldn’t help but cry. The second time I didn’t even have the move. I am sad in my heart, but what can I do?

I am very grateful if someone will accompany me through this period. After all, when we made promises, we were all so sincere.

How powerful is time and distance? So, who took our hand; so, we learn to give and love. So we learn to be sad; so we learn to arm ourselves.

However, only in this way, will you understand what you end up with, the one who can let you take off all your defenses, how valuable it is, and you will understand how lucky it is to be accompanied by someone who is willing to go out and dream together. Something.

In the past few years, I have grown very fast, and my life has continued to be fluent. I have met many powerful people, some have traveled around the world, some have spoken in several languages, and some have studied in double degrees while participating in various styles. Some kinds of clubs, some sleep only 5 hours a day and read books at other times.

After coming to Canberra from Melbourne, this feeling is even stronger. I have been to a friend's house, the bookcase is full of books, all about finance. He said that he will take notes every book, and he will read more than three times for each book. Or when talking to a person, she asked her graduate student where she wanted to go. She answered me directly: "Harvard."

And I, compared with them, there is no ups and downs of experience, no perseverance to study day and night, the results are not comparable to them. When did I start, my ambitions, my young and frivolous, so slowly?

Many people say that travel everywhere is very good, especially like international students can live a good life in a foreign country and have a conversation with foreigners. How do I feel that I have only walked from a circle of many Chinese people to a circle where there are not many other people but also Chinese? Why do you know this, or do you want to go from one country to another, from one city to another?

Now, I can finally understand that this is because my ambition is not because of academics, nor because it is really good here, but because I want to experience a different life, I want my world to have Some are different, I want a person to take a good look at the world, so I am willing to accept all the hardships, all lonely.

Because what I want is a kind of gleaming life, what I want is a life that I will not regret myself. What I want is a mentality that will make me feel calm in any situation. What I want is to become my own. The sun.

To put it bluntly, you can stand on this land smoothly with your own strength.

In "Beyond Failure, I am more afraid of regrets", I wrote: I never think that I am a person who can face loneliness very well. Until I have recently turned back, I found out how long I have gone along the way. People sometimes are very fragile, but as long as they bite their teeth and move forward, they will be amazed at their endurance when they look back.

Only when you are afraid of eating alone, afraid of being alone in a car and getting used to the twists and turns of life, can you truly understand what kind of loneliness is. It is a part of you. It is an angel and a devil. It can make you better. It can also make you robbed. You can't escape it. You only have to face it. Loneliness to the end is an extremely real sense of existence.

Over the past few years, I have moved nearly ten times and moved around three cities. I have already remembered to take a few planes and immediately leave Australia, which has been in business for five years. I have nostalgia, but I am not sad. When talking to Faye a few days ago, she said that she had lived alone in Myanmar for seven days. At that time, she felt that she was awful, but now when she recalled it, she felt that it was a precious memory.

It seems to be the same for my study abroad life. Memories are like a long black and white silent film, there is no bright spot, there is not much ups and downs, and some are just a little bit of life. Many times I feel terrible, but I feel very good when I recall it. Instead of expecting a disappointment, there will be a Wang Xiaolu, it is better to expect yourself to be stronger; instead of expecting that every time you lose, there will be positive energy to warm you, it is better to expect yourself to become a positive energy person; rather than worry about the future, not as good as Work hard now.

No one can give you a sense of security all the time, except yourself.

I don't know what you are doing on the other side of the computer screen. It’s time to eat instant noodles. I feel that I have to go through this winter. Is it necessary to have a hug for a comfort, or to frown with pain in the subject, or if your favorite person has left you. But believe me, there are still many people in the world who want to talk to you. You have your parents and friends behind you. Don't want to go to them. You will be better tomorrow.

Having said that, in fact, what I want to say is that our life will never stagnate because of one thing, nor will it go to heaven because of one thing. Just like I never thought that I will be the one I am now, I have to wait until I finish the road. When I look back, I feel that the scenery on both sides is different from the one I just came. Those who feel that they can't get through, maybe we are too reluctant to change, maybe we are used to the habits that should not be used to, but those injuries will always heal slowly, and one day these will pass.

The only premise is that you have to go through this road and keep going.

You can say that I am naive and say that I am wrong to say that I am unrealistic. It doesn't matter. Being looked down on being suspected of being abandoned, it is a matter of others and has nothing to do with me. Because I have always believed in an unchanging truth, the pain of regret is more difficult than the pain of falling, only the heart can change the heart.

And the last three short-term goals left on my list are to be reached: the second book, microfilm, and postgraduate.

As I said in "Eat home, or fight": I can't get older here. I want to do something that will smile when I am 80 years old before I get older. The best way for a person is to calm down, even if one lives, crosses one city after another, walks one street after another, looks up to another sky, witnesses once and again. Then when others question you, you can say to yourself with a clear conscience, although every step is very slow, but I have not retreated.

Sometimes, you need to reach out to your middle finger and say fuck you to this fucking world. Tell the world, roll you, I am me, you are you, I still believe in love, I still believe in dreams, I like to listen to the songs I like loudly, I just want to pursue what I care about and you don't care. I am so good at it, I am sorry, the world of potholes, I am not familiar with you.

All the bulls are behind a high wall of hardships, and all the hardships are behind the persistence that others can't see. We can walk to the day when we shine in our life, I have never doubted it.

Before giving yourself a confession, before you are completely reconciled, please continue to work hard until one day we can stand on the ground with our own strength. It is your own power, don't be afraid to disappear.