When the other party says "NO", the opportunity comes.

This is the story told by the patient. When the obstetrician and gynaecologist announced that I had ovarian cancer, I thought to myself, God, this is the third cancer I have ever had. I used to watch an advertisement on TV. The content is that someone has fallen from the valley and is not dead. He stood up and was rolled over by the truck. He still didn't die. In the end, lightning struck him. He didn't die. The god of death was drinking a certain brand of beer in the bar and forgot his work for the time being.

At the beginning, I thought of this advertisement. I really understand in my heart that the survival rate of ovarian cancer is very low. Very few people like me have lived for a year. Despite this, I still forced myself to think in the direction of optimism. Since I have survived the first two cancers, I thought, then there is no reason that I can't survive the third.

I am the caregiver of the ward myself, and I still stick to my position until now. A great care for me who has suffered all kinds of pains like me is that once the patient knows that you are suffering from their feelings, they will really like you, respect you, and listen to your opinions. For a while my mantra was:

"You see me, got three cancers, it's not the same struggle here...

Imagine standing in the other's position and often know how to solve the problem.

When I am busy with work, I usually reject new customers. Because I really don't have time, I believe that not only me, but many busy people are almost the same. At this time, most of the consignors will say: "It's a pity, I hope to have the opportunity to cooperate next time." The conversation between the two sides was drawn. But whenever I see someone who once gave up and refused, I will be puzzled and wonder why they "give up so."

I refuse to others, but I have such an idea. It seems a bit contradictory. Some people may think that I am very emotional. But when this happens, I tend to be very frustrated and feel that "the other person is not the kind of person who wants to cooperate with me." Because if I ask others, even if I am rejected once or twice, I will not think that I am "rejected." Whether it is before or now, I think that "rejection is the beginning of everything."

I am happy to hear others say "no". When the other party sternly refuses, I will feel that "now, here is the real starting point." Real communication is best started with "no". Suppose a minute ago, I said to the girl I met: "I like you, please contact me." When she frowned and said "no" in an unpleasant voice, I had the opportunity to say the next sentence. "Please understand me first, then decide whether or not to associate with me. Let's talk about it." This is what I really want to say. Because I feel that the other side knows me, then I am more ideal to interact with me.

If there is a miracle, the girl promised: "Okay, I want to associate with you." The relationship between the two sides is likely to become superficial and superficial. I was only attracted to her imagination, and she was only attracted by the illusion that I created. This relationship is romantic, but it is easy to deteriorate like a delicate dessert. There are often exceptions between men and women, but if it is a job, I can assert that "no" is the starting point for all communication.

I believe that the workplace you work in is spreading smoothly without "no" communication. Suppose the supervisor and the supervisor suggest a different method from the previous one. "I hope that this time I will perform this way." I don't like change is human nature. When I encounter this situation, I usually feel "true trouble." However, most people hide the "adult tools" that communicate smoothly in their bags, so they will answer "yes" in all likelihood. Even if you don't understand it, you will answer “yes”; even if you are interested, you will answer “yes”; even if you feel that your boss's suggestion is simply inexplicable, you will answer “yes”; if the other person is a boss or a senior, he will not hesitate. Say "yes".

”

Later, I used this sentence less and less, because every time an old patient introduces me to a new patient, it is natural to say:

"You look at the nursing, she has had three cancers..."

These claims give the patient a greater guarantee than medical care. If the nurse can survive if he has three cancers, then they can naturally live. My survival has become a proof of optimism or struggle. Everyone strongly hopes that I will live, and I also have a strong sense of responsibility.

Honestly, from a certain perspective, I need my patients far better than they need me. My work made me discover the inner fears and uneasiness of the patient, so I told myself not to.

Like our ward recently, there is a female terminal cancer patient who knows that her husband has committed suicide after she has a woman outside. Later, I told her: "Since you have to go, someone is willing to take care of him for you, what is wrong?"

When I talked to my husband about this, he just smiled. "I mean," I said again. "If I am gone, I hope you will find another intimate partner."

He is still the same, just smiling. For more than four years, I have arranged insurance, real estate, and deposits... All that is about the future, he just smiles like that. He doesn't like to talk about those things, as if all of my arrangements would not happen.

I tried to make life no different, driving to the hospital to go to work, receiving chemotherapy, picking up my daughter to go to class... Pretending that everything is as usual. I have no other way, we all need these everyday life.

I have a sixteen-year-old daughter who has been with me since the age of twelve. Maybe I am subconsciously thinking that I may not be so lucky this time. I will use my time to tell my daughter how to cook rice, cook, clean the dishes, use the washing machine... these mothers should teach the daughter Things. She is always embarrassed, I am not at ease. However, it seems that the more I teach her, the more her touch is. We often quarrel in the car for these trivial things. In the car this afternoon, she actually asked me:

"Mom, are you going to die tomorrow?"

I thought for a moment: "Not yet."

"If not, can you not be so anxious to force me?"

I didn't say anything after listening to it, my face sank. I never thought about these things giving her so much pressure.

Before going to bed at night, I found that she had washed the kitchen utensils. She left me a note with the words:

Mom, sorry, I said those words this afternoon. Please don't worry about me. I won't be embarrassed forever, I just don't want you to die...

My first reaction was: Mom didn't want to die. Later I remembered the advertisement of the god of death in the bar. I am a very strong person. But when I remembered that the god of death was so leisurely drinking beer, I was half-dead here, and I couldn’t help it anymore. For the first time in my life, I burst into tears.

But can this superficial communication allow both parties to grow? Can you really overcome the difficulties together? If you say "yes" immediately, it is equivalent to depriving the dissidents of the opportunity to explain and express their own wishes. It is very likely that the plan will be implemented under a smattering situation, and it will be easy to screw up. This kind of ending is too sad, too sad. In this case, simply throw away the so-called "tools for adults."

Advising the other party is that if the other party says "no", it may be considered an opportunity to thoroughly explain his own mind. Talk to each other in depth until the other person agrees with you. When you are rejected, don't give up. If you are prepared to do "no is the starting point" before the proposal, you will have courage in your heart. On the contrary, if the other party proposes a proposal that does not meet your expectations, or an inexplicable instruction, don't simply answer "yes" on the surface but complain in the back, and you must correct this bad habit. Of course, you can't say "no" like a child. You must have the ability to listen at the same time. "no" can open the door to deep communication.