Have the luck, lose all life

Yesterday, I saw a junior schoolmate who made a state in the QQ space. The general idea is that when it comes to making a decision, it is what you really want in the road of going abroad, studying, or internship. After leaving a resounding reply, I couldn't help but think of my heart and soul. Please take a note if you are not as good as an encounter.

Now I am a research student at a certain 985 university in China, and I have time to return to the present two years ago. At that time, I was working on a teacher's lab in the college to study with my brother, and I was going to publish a paper before the September study in the same year to obtain a relatively favorable competitive advantage. Although before that, I have already communicated with the tutor about the intention to stay in the laboratory to study for graduate students. After all, when it is not really time to make a decision and the dust settles, it is inevitable that there will be some ambiguity in the heart. At that time, the students around me either did the same research and development papers in the teacher lab as I did, or they took the red book in the library and study room to prepare for the language test of GRE, TOEFL or IELTS, or they prepared to come. In the year of the postgraduate entrance examination, there are still some people who are rushing between the internship company and the school, or preparing for the intern recruitment in the first half of the year and the recruitment of the next half of the year. In this way, everyone has their own goals and is working hard for the future. It is true that I was painstaking in publishing the papers at the time. However, because of the inherent lack of self-confidence and vacillation in personality, I often feel confused about my future.

In my spare time, I will involuntarily fall into such a delusion. "If this academic paper can be issued smoothly, then there should be no problem in Baoyan University. However, the comprehensive strength of our school is not top in China, and the level of scientific research and project ability of the tutor is relatively limited. Why not go to Baoding to go to a better school outside? But we have a small number of professionals, and the number of non-guarantee places is very limited. Once we choose to protect, we are very likely to have both internal and external consequences. Although the worst result is the loss of qualifications. I choose to take a postgraduate degree or work, but I am not motivated by the postgraduate entrance examination. If I am looking for a job, I am worried that I cannot find the ideal unit because the professional ability is not good enough. Moreover, considering the limited time and energy, it is unlikely to be in the research, work or On the multiple roads of the postgraduate entrance examination, I also devoted myself wholeheartedly. In this way, in the psychological state of self-entanglement, I also stepped to the threshold of choice. In the end, in order to pursue a relatively stable future, the school was successfully researched. So all the dust settled, it seems that all the hesitations and fears before should disappear.

After the results of the Baoyan retest, it was officially included in the tutor's laboratory and became a prospective postgraduate. I also thought that I could stay in the laboratory and do research and practice in a professional direction. But the flames of the group and the flames of the group burned. There were several insurance students in the circle of friends who went out of school. Their time was very busy. So they found an internship with a local company. Every day, they were 9 to 5, and although they were running around, they were very comfortable. The students who were looking for work also got it. The offer of many excellent companies, from time to time in the circle of friends to share successful experiences. In contrast, suddenly looking at my current life, all of a sudden lost some of the original choices, what I saw was the stupidity and malpractice of the school. As you can imagine, once you can't calm down, you can't do anything. Time passed quickly, and it was 14 years in the blink of an eye. After the New Year, when I returned to school, I was more likely to let my heart-wrenching "bad news" come. The classmates in the dormitory who had a good relationship in the next room got the offer of many famous foreign universities, including a school with the highest ranking in the professional field. They instantly blasted the pot in the circle of friends, and I couldn't help but feel the huge gap; Several buddies who seriously prepared for the postgraduate examinations took part in the re-examination, and soon they also obtained the graduate students of the foreign schools. After graduation, they will go to a better future. In contrast, I feel more and more weak, and I have deep doubts, self-blame and remorse for making decisions too early and making decisions about the next three years. Painful thoughts, in addition to sighing, almost no positive energy for yourself.

In such a state of mind, the efficiency of my own research and study is also in the middle of the river. It took more than half a year to complete the work related to the thesis. The high goals that were set before can only be one of the highlights. The graduation thesis and a graduating graduation reply have been finished, and I think that the graduate preparation period in the past year is far from being used. In the graduation season, the intertwined and waved parting, mixed with the mixed emotions and appetite, my undergraduate career officially came to a close, although this end is not moving.

In addition to the beauty of the distance, it seems to dilute the impression. After reading the postgraduate, the original friends went their separate ways, most of the time in the state of WeChat chat and friends circle. The old classmates who are studying at the school also live in their own laboratories, which are not common. For me, because of the comparison and uneasiness, I can no longer see the life of my friends, and my heart is not so irritated. Later, I often chatted with friends from different places or in different countries on WeChat. Everyone except the unchanging gags for many years, when I talk about my current life, it sounds very different from my life in the school. In addition to jet lag, geography and rhythm. Gradually, when I began to look back at the past in my heart, I found out that I was stupid and pedantic at home, and all my troubles and entanglements were my own set. The roots of all these entanglements stem from the lack of thorough understanding of life and the lack of objective understanding of oneself.

The running account has been written, so I need to give myself a summary.

I don't know what you think about reading this text. Now I am willing to use this paragraph as a summary of my past life and a promise for the future - "Your every choice is made by you." Every step of life is made by yourself. Whether it is good or bad, they are all part of your life and constitute your whole life. So, whether you are a teenager, a middle-aged person who is full of ambition, or an old man The elderly, when you look back, the road you walked over, looking down at the current position, paying attention to the end of the future, I hope that you do not feel regret and regret. Even if there are more beautiful scenery beside you, there are More adventurous, if you don't go there in person, they don't belong to you. You belong to your own present and you should live in your own present."

Perhaps, with my personality and psychology, I will still see through the self-comfort and encouragement of this bowl of chicken soup. Therefore, if you use a line in the song "I Love You" to sue yourself, it is most appropriate.