The difficulty now is your future dilemma

If a person does not deliberately learn or change in some way, otherwise, after puberty, the general personality has already formed, and the likes, talents, trauma, hatred, and the like are all similar. The basic personality and deep desire are hard to change in the short term. It is. Of course, it is often not the case from the outside. For example, we often see that a young, dying young boy has become a saliva more than tea after he became an adult, but his roots are the same inferiority and fear of loneliness; or a special pride. The beautiful girl is neglected to take care of the broken cans after she gets married. The power is always to use beauty as a weapon and a chip. People are similar to water. When they encounter different terrains at different stages, they will show different performances, sometimes lakes, sometimes rivers, sometimes springs or seas. But as long as you have a monster in your heart, no matter what situation you encounter, there is always something to do with you. Today's dilemma is often not fundamentally different from yesterday's predicament, and it is likely that it will be the dilemma you will encounter tomorrow. Most of the dilemmas that a person meets have nothing to do with the outside world, but are determined by his own heart. The same thing is in your abyss, and in others it is nothing. Difficulties are determined by personality.

I say this because I recently recalled our puberty with some people. Because my puberty is not very good, unpleasant memories seem to be more, so I feel that there is nothing to miss, I rarely deliberately think about it. But the fact is often that if you don't find something from the previous predicament, then you will never come out of that past, and then you will go into the same situation as at that time - because you don't try Understand what the dilemma is, naturally it will not be credited to distinguish it, avoid it or defeat it. And people are a strange dependence on the habit of relying on terrible animals - habits, things that have been met, always more "safe" and more attractive, this attraction is irrational, unconscious, and the habit itself It doesn't matter if you are comfortable or not. That's why the girl who hates her bad father is going back to find a bad man who is as bad as Dad, because that is the state she is used to. Far away, the meaning is: whether it is determined by the outside world or driven by you, it leads to a result - the dilemma is often similar. It is necessary to understand something from the previous predicament. The predicament of adolescence is a good case. Generally speaking, it is the time when your dilemma was first formed.

When I first talked about this topic, the topic of the conversation was "What advice would you give to you during adolescence?" Actually, I didn't like this tone before, because if I had a chance to face up with my adolescence, then I wouldn't listen to what I said. I won't like it either. Because I only had that level at that time, using the level of today to demand the former self, remorse that I did not do enough is not meaningful, this is the sword for the sword. Going back to that time, you will still do exactly the same thing. There is no need to talk to yourself in the past, your own past. In order to dilute the resentment of this tone, we changed the topic to "If there is a child now, facing the same dilemma as your adolescence, what advice would you give her?" This is much better.

What is the trouble I encountered during my adolescence? I want to come today, summed up: I can't handle the situation that is getting worse. I have a very good grade in my middle school. I also had a good start at the beginning of high school. Later, I was struggling. I often doze off in class, which makes me very scared. Because it is a rotten and good person, my popularity has not been bad, but in high school I suffered from the isolation of the whole class for three years, becoming unpopular, no friends, even funny, humiliated, This makes me even more panic. Things seem to suddenly spoil, and there seems to be no other way besides being more spoiled: a fruit that is getting worse, a piece of bread that is making a strange smell, you can't make them fresher – that's the feeling .

Not only is there a panic about the status quo, but the expectation for the future is also very imaginative: because there is a serious lack of frustration education since childhood, so the solution to the dilemma that children often imagine is: a person who usually has 85 points, after a period of 50 minutes After the low tide, I finally got 100 points. This is enough for blood and juvenile comics. This goal sounds handsome, but it actually makes you more scared - because it can't be realized at all. Panic causes you to not want to face it at all, do not want to clean up the mess, but find a lot of reasons: the class teacher is harsh and violent and biased against you, and the relationship with the parents is also tight, etc., all of which are not conducive to their performance the elements of. Today, of course, these are all related, but more like complications, not reasons. The solution is not that I haven't thought about it, but it's all like transfer. The theme is “starting up again, starting again”, because it seems that the chances of winning are bigger, and it seems to be more comfortable than the already bad situation. In fact, there is a failure rate in the beginning, but at the very least it can delay the failure for a while, so it is worthy of yearning. However, we are a small county, and generally do not transfer to school. Unless we are pregnant and have an abortion, the road to transfer is completely blocked. There is no way out and you have to look at the situation. I think it was really desperate at that time. In short, it will be considered shameful to fail, and the failure is eternal. Even if you turn over again, you will always bear the humiliation that you have failed. The child's illusory dream is: a powerful person, should be able to easily solve difficulties and troubles, struggle and shame as shameful and laughable, the weak will meet the dilemma.

So if I want to suggest to people who have the same dilemma in adolescence, the first one is: Don't feel fear and shame because of failure.

Failure and cold are general, shameless, and can even be said to be the normal state of life. And he must be a stage and will pass. But don't be lucky in the past, because he will come again, so much, so many times you will die of numbness. Since he is so commonplace, he will become an old wife and wife in the morning and evening, so you don't have to panic now. The more you know about it, the less likely it is to come back. To understand, you have to bear it. Of course, sometimes it is better to choose another stove, but it is best that you carefully weigh and analyze the decision after success rate, instead of you do not want to endure, think this is an easy escape - "we must be right Choose one of the roads and the easy road, and they are often not coincident.” It seems that the wide door often doesn’t make any sense.

Moreover, since failure is not shameful, don't fall into this unnecessary shame. The bigger you are, the more you will find that shame is the most common means that others use to control and squeeze you, so don't fall in easily. If you are not motivated to be a three-family MLM victim, then don't be too flustered about shame--the pyramidacy victim is a big shame. Relative to the shame of not being able to accomplish a certain goal, I personally feel that it is even more shameful to use shame to crush others to achieve their goals. If possible, don't be them.

I have been away from puberty for a long time now, but frankly, my predicament today is not much different from the past. In the period of 08-10, it was a very serious low tide period. At that time, it did face a number of very serious difficulties, but it was not completely impossible to improve. However, at that time, I only felt that I was unemployed and lost my love. The existence value is very suspicious. These large parts are regarded as "unfortunate" things, but they are defined as "failures" by themselves. Failures bring overwhelming fear and shame. They are afraid that they will not only face difficulties, but even dare to face the world. For example, in addition to being online, I haven't talked to people for a few months. Downstairs is a supermarket, but I don't want to go down and buy a light tube. I need to remove the emergency light from the toilet into my room.

Today, this dilemma has already passed, and it has indeed suffered a lot. I am sure that I have learned a lot. Life has entered a new cycle. However, in the past two years, when dealing with some new situations, I found that once faced with difficulties, I still don't have a normal heart, and I still -- "angry and slack." This kind of anger and slackness has nothing to do with the improvement of other abilities and the improvement of the situation. He is there waiting for me because I have not overcome it. What's interesting is that, like adolescence, I think that the simplest solution to the dilemma is to transfer to the same predicament. I think the way is also that there is no such thing as “transfer”, “moving the house” and “changing the city”. Although today is not obsessed with these paths, it must be admitted that they are still very attractive to me, and at least it seems really difficult to be much smaller. In a sense, just because your other abilities have improved, if you want to escape the difficulties and re-do a new thing, it is very likely that you will not do it at the beginning, because your abilities are there. This may strengthen your determination to give up and escape the original difficulties until the new difficulties push you to a dead end. After repeated this time and again, I finally realized that overcoming the fear of failure is the biggest difficulty, and the rest are all slag.

In fact, think sensibly, the worse the situation, the more likely it is to become better. For example, if it is zero, it can be worse, even if it is a point, it will improve. Moreover, from 0 to 60, compared to 80 to 100, what you have experienced and learned is actually more extensive and interesting, but if you are already accustomed to using the final 100 to be the standard of failure or not, then you must It will be very easy to be disappointed. If you hang down the sense of failure and value, shame, then you definitely don’t want to live anymore – the omnipresent value monism leads to shame and fear of failure. We don’t fear that we are not happy, but we are more afraid of us. Not in line with worldly standards. In the end, you still have a correct, self-respecting and self-loving view. It is the greatest praise and value to understand your progress and enrichment, and put your own strength at the core. If you give up this position and use other things, such as goals and wins and defeats, as your inner pillar, it is unfortunate that these things will fill your whole life unceremoniously, and finally crush you.

However, in retrospect, this thing is still very awkward in adolescence, so as I said before, no matter how many times I suggest to my adolescence, "Don't feel fear and shame because of failure", she will not listen to this, nor Will like it. In fact, I have some other suggestions for the adolescent children in distress, such as "helping absolutely necessary" and "ignoring other people's judge", but these are just specific methods. The theme is similar to the one above. It is a source: loyal to yourself. Work hard and be brave. If you don't brave to live, you will be struggling. Without self-living, there is no meaning. Of course, I think these eight words are a bit of a mystery to adolescent children, because the skin of pop culture is also trying to advocate this set, so that children feel that they have actually done it, but in fact the essence is not at all - In short, most of the people who read this thing today are no longer the second-year children. We have countless dangers on the long adult road, and we must take responsibility for making ourselves happy – because no one will Responsible for our happiness and happiness, only ourselves. Then, as a less-than-excellent adult, I have a word for all the less-than-excellent adults, or the eight words:

Be loyal to yourself and work hard.

I hope we can rely on this to get out of trouble in the predicament.