Walking through the haze

Walking through the haze <br /> As long as the grief is not one after another, life can be cherished.
This is an ascetic sorrow for the fate of the whole family on his fragile shoulders, perhaps I can't afford it forever.
The mother's "incompetence" in the eyes of her father is not only reflected in her mother's poor labor ability, but also because her mother can not give her father a boy after giving birth to three daughters. Therefore, the father often beats his mother after drinking alcohol. It is sigh.
In the spring of 1980, my mother was pregnant again, that is me, I am a boy. My birth made this home that had been covered with dark clouds see the sun. My father poured all the eyes of love and compassion on me, but I finally let him despair.
I can't walk. When I was two years old, I was suffering from polio when I was just learning to walk. The doctor said that my illness will never be cured. Mom never regards me as a child without hope.
After spending my childhood in the hospital, my mother sent me to the school. In the eyes of many people and even my father, the mother sent me to study only to satisfy a child's wish for the classroom, and to grow up for me.
I am a child without future, or my future has long been expected.
At the age of 12, I started boarding in the middle of the country. My hard feelings about life started here.
Almost all the children in the village will no longer have the opportunity to go to school after reading the country. Two months before the senior high school entrance examination, a famous provincial key middle school came to our occluded country for the first time to select students. In the pre-selection examination, I stood out. In May, I received a re-test notice from the provincial key middle school. The mother spent a month, taking advantage of her father to save 20 yuan from the limited living expenses and send the money to my hand during the last day of the school. Let me pay the exam registration fee, I finally went to the provincial key middle school to take the exam under the arrangement of the school.
There is always no omen before the instigation.
On the bulletin board of the township government, one day, my name appeared. The following is the signature of the head of the township. I am one of the two on the provincial key middle school admission list. On that day, the people who came to the market unexpectedly came back early, and the message spread quickly throughout the village.
When the notice came to my hand, my father’s mood was very contradictory. According to the plan set by my father, I went to a repair shop in the town to study and repair watches and electrical appliances. The master had already found a good job. It is. Today, the admission notices of the provincial key middle schools are unexpected, completely disrupting the father's plan.
The next day, I heard from my mother that the big family in the village wanted their son to go to school and found his father to say 2000 yuan to buy my acceptance letter. The father eventually rejected him.
In the car going to school, my heart is heavy, this is inevitably another more tragic trap designed for me to enter the hard life. This time, I am completely stinging the fate of the whole family on my fragile shoulders. Maybe I can't afford it, I can't afford it forever!
The father said, don't look at the rice fields, it is now devastated, because it has just been harvested, and when you come back next year, it must be a golden yellow.
After my father settled me, I left him 150 yuan for living expenses. I sweared at me many times before going home. As long as I am not hungry, I must study hard.
The poverty of the poor began on the first day of my entry into this key middle school.
I was a disgusting person when I saw fat. I went home two months later. My mother bought two pounds of meat, but I was picking up fat meat. My careless movement made the whole family not move chopsticks on the plate of the meat.
My father went to work in Wenzhou on the third day after I returned to school. A month later, I received 200 yuan from Wenzhou to the school. In a short letter, my father told me that he is now building a house on the construction site. He can earn 20 yuan a day, which is hard work. 6 in the morning. I started working at the hour, and I got off work at 9:00 in the evening and slept on the construction site. The father said that he was going to work until 1999, he was just 50 years old. This year, I graduated from high school. If he expected it, I just got into college.
Back to school, in the face of the upcoming college entrance examination, I feel the fear I have never had before. After a heavy study every day, sleeping at night is a nightmare. I often dream of my college entrance examination, and I am surrounded by ridicule.
Unexpectedly, all of this, with the end of the college entrance examination, has become a cruel reality. The father sold his hand-built house to others at a low price, filled all the houses with trucks, and took the children with him overnight to leave the village where he had lived for more than 30 years. The dog's ups and downs along the way, my face is tears, tears of remorse, tears of tears. I have repeatedly asked myself in my heart: Why do you not live up to expectations? Why is this so restless? Do you not listen to your father? Why didn’t I think that as a harlequin who was defined by others in my life, playing this role would have to pay a heavy price, but refusing to play would have to pay a heavier price. Even if I lost my life, how can I Can afford it!
We lived in a house where our grandmother vacated our family without glass and leaking rain. I hid the two boxes of books under the bed, and did not mention schooling. Once I was stubborn, I felt that it was a ridiculous and painful thing to think about. I was determined not to fight and succumb to fate.
There was a lot of rain in that year, and the house was often washed by rain, because I was going to sell the two boxes of books hidden under the bed as waste paper. When I was waiting for someone to come to the door, when I was about to make this sale, my father came back from the ground and gave me a loud slap when I rushed over. My father almost roared and roared: You are really a kind, you think Is there a bow and a return arrow? I stunned and squatted on the ground for a long while before I came back, my eyes filled with tears of self-blame and gratitude.
After the "double grab", I dragged the book out of the bed. My father carefully tied the book to the bicycle and sent me to the county seat. Passing through the rice fields we haven't planted yet, the father who has been silent suddenly said, "Don't look at the rice fields, it is now devastated, because it has just been harvested, and when you come back next year, it must be a golden yellow."
Liang Xiaosheng said that as long as grief is not one after another, life can be cherished.
The days of tutoring are hard and oppressive. What makes me feel warm is that my father and mother gave me another chance to change my destiny when I was so embarrassed at home.
The new millennium has arrived, and in the harvest season that my father said, I finally waited for the university admission notice. Unexpectedly, this is another trap designed by fate in my life, a big trap!
Among the many people who went to school, in order to save long-distance fares, I was the only one who carried a simple baggage with a cane and boarded the train. When the train arrived, I thought that the days of my asceticism would end. I thought that my front was spring, and I was so excited that I laughed in my heart. But I have forgotten that when I was born, I was a weak person. It was a harlequin. Since it is a weak person and a harlequin, there is no reason to be rejected.
In this training of the people's teachers, the faculty of the normal university, since I appeared, the teacher regarded me as a troublesome student. What is even more ridiculous is that the teacher in charge of enrollment actually said that I did not see my file. I said that I was accidentally misunderstood, kicked me from this department to the department, and finally I did not care, I asked for crying.
In three months, the long tragedy will be finished. I originally came here to refuse to play the harlequin. I can't play the harlequin after I paid the price. I am not willing to go through a long and bumpy period. After the trek, I returned to the starting point and I must flee.
When the acceptance notice was replaced by a withdrawal letter, my heart was completely chaotic and broken.
Despair often appears at the same time as hope. When I decided to prepare for the third time in the college entrance examination, I suddenly felt like a fighter, a fighter who was bruised and bruised but healed as long as there was time for the wound.
After sending most of my tuition fees back home, I bought a train ticket to Changsha and landed at a classmate who was studying at a local university. In a few months, I experienced struggle and loneliness, and felt the warmth and preciousness of friendship.
I didn't think that in the school that I always thought was the springboard of my life, from the day I went back, I returned to the role of the harlequin. It was once again distorting my mind, making people disdain and making people The harlequin of the joke.
I can't remember how many times insomnia, my heart was frozen by the cold night, how much I longed for the sun in July to release the thick ice in my heart.
Liang Xiaosheng said that as long as grief is not one after another, life can be cherished.
The dramatic climax is after the audience's heartbreaking, which is often the time when the harlequin walks out of the stage set by others. When I was admitted to the university and refused again, all the discouragement, all the weakness, all the sorrows have disappeared in my heart. The harlequin played the end of the life of the warrior, the strong man of life, I firmly believe!
In the fall of this year, many Changsha people remember that the disabled youth from remote rural areas were alone in Changsha for the face of college and shouting; many people remember that Zhang Yunchuan, the governor of Hunan Province at that time, was deeply affectionate for him. Instructing a touching scene of his college dream.
On September 28, 2001, I personally went to the university to get an acceptance letter, and then I got on the train home. This was my first time after I fled the university. I originally wanted to calm down this day, but after I got home, I saw my parents with white hair. I didn’t listen to my legs, my father fell on the threshold, and my mother and I embraced it. weep. After the father and mother in their fifties were struggling with a brick and a piece of wood, the family had a debt. In the evening, when my father told me the whole family, I burst into tears. The father said that this debt, he may not be able to afford this life. I looked at my father who was crying like a child. I didn't cry for the first time. I forgot how I was acquainted with my father. At that time, almost everyone thought it would be a child to say that he grew up to hold up a mountain-like joke. In my next four years, I followed The younger brother who went out to work when he was 15 years old did it.
When you walk into the university, if you are separated from the world, poverty is still like a shadow. It seems that you can never get rid of it. In high-consumption universities, countless times I fled in expensive tuition and living expenses. Until the day before I was 21, one of my articles was published in a famous magazine in Beijing. The editor personally wrote me a warm letter, and the sun gradually took care of my long, hazy face. I laughed. Cried again.
Most of the days I need to remember in my 25-year-old life, I don't remember it, including my birthday. But on August 8, 2005, I will never forget that I came to a provincial media with nearly 300,000 words of works published during the university. After the leader saw my resume and works, the next day I gave my answer to the appointment.
Everything seems so smooth, but readers who read my story will know that it is a story after a long storm!