Wu Zhihong: The more control, the more disorder

Psychological counseling expert Wu Zhihong analyzes the psychological articles of people's desire to control: the more control, the more disorderly, the reference value of employee management in enterprise management, and share it with the executives.

Only when you lack understanding can you have the control. If you have already seen things clearly, you naturally don't need to control them.

- Krishnamurti

When encountering problems, the first thing the strong people want to do is to control the disorder of their own hearts, but they can't do it, so they go to control others. Regardless of its conscious purpose, what is ultimately manufactured or left is suffering. Sadness, anger, anxiety, etc. are not problems. The problem is that we try to destroy them. We think that the situation of control is order. In fact, the true order is freedom, it is natural, and it is living in the present.

The more control, the more disorder

From small individuals to the world, it seems that things are out of order all the time. Thus, the desire to control is born. Individuals control themselves in order to suppress some experiences that they can't bear for the time being.

For example, if you lose your loved ones, the pain is too great. Our previous psychological structure will be completely broken. This is a great disorder. We are afraid, so we try our best to control ourselves.

Strong people control society, sometimes to protect vested interests, but in many cases, they really want to "save" groups, society and the world. However, the more control, the more disordered.

The great pain of losing a loved one, no matter how you control it, how to suppress it, how to deny it, it will not disappear. Instead, it sinks into the depths of the subconscious and becomes a shadow that our consciousness can't touch. This shadow is in a state of division with our consciousness and often leads to something terrible and completely out of control.

As far as individuals are concerned, in fact, we have too many things to control - it is very likely that we can't control anything.

Control desire is the source of all evil

A girl blushes, she feels very bad, so she wants to control herself not to blush. But the result of this effort is that her blush is getting heavier and heavier, her desire for control is getting heavier and heavier, and eventually it becomes the so-called "blushing phobia."

Parents who control their desires are first worried about some small disorder. For example, worrying about the child not eating enough, so the child does not want to eat and still feed him; worried that the child is frozen, so the child is not cold and still give him clothes; worried that the child is late for school, so I stare at the child every day; worry that the child learns bad, so The child smokes a cigarette, drinks a little wine, and says "bad kids", wearing a hole-punched jeans... will be thundering.

In short, in the eyes of such parents, there are too many possible disorderes in the child's self-issuance, so they try to control. But in the end, they have the biggest disorder – either the child's personal will is killed by their desire to control, or the child is rebellious and becomes a “bad boy” they fear. The same is true of a society.

Zhu Yuanzhang, who grew up in troubled times, lost too many relatives when he was a child. This is a huge disorder. Perhaps this disorder has created his unprecedented desire to control. After he ascended the throne, he was so energetic that he tried to arrange everything for everyone: he stipulated what clothes everyone should wear, how to work, how to rest... but ultimately his dynasty In a huge disorder, his son Zhu Xi rebelled and gave up and even subverted many of the rules he had enacted.

There is an almost irrefutable truth in world history: strong people who control too much desire, either they personally create suffering, or after their so-called prosperity, then there is great suffering.

A society that always produces strong people is bound to be a society in which disorder and suffocation continue to recur. The history of the ancient Chinese Qin reunification verified this point, and the history of Russia also verified this.

Sometimes, when I think about the history of Britain and the United States, I always feel that I can't find a dazzling superhero. This is because such a country has always been in a free and orderly state, and does not need a hero who controls the desire to be super strong. Come to "save."

For the world, the desire to control is the source of all evil.

For individuals, controlling desire is the source of all diseases.

Control and elimination are confrontation

In fact, the strong people first want to control their own disorder, but they can't do it, so they go to control others. The more disordered they are, the more they are eager to control more people. In the end, whatever is their conscious purpose, what is made or left is suffering.

The Indian philosopher Krishnamu said: What is the relationship between the controller and the controlled person? I blush, I control blush. So, what is the relationship between blush and you?

Blush is me, blush is a part of myself. So, once I tried to control blush, it was a split, blushing and I was no longer one, blush was treated as a dissident by me, this is the root of disorder, I squeezed a part that was originally my own into a dissident, so it started Fight against me. This is a bigger disorder, so I want to control more, and this alien has grown even worse, and eventually it has become a great distress for me.

If you are sad, if you encounter a tragedy, you will naturally be sad. This sadness is not a foreign object, not a dissident, but your own, and it is the same thing as you. At the moment when grief arises, you are nothing else, you are sad, sorrow is you.

However, you try to eliminate sorrow and make great efforts to make it, so sorrow becomes alien. The more you fight, the more important the sorrow becomes, and ultimately it is in your personality and even your body.

All emotions such as anger, fear, and jealousy are the same. The wife of American psychologist Ken Wilber died of breast cancer. She said that she realized that one of the root causes of cancer is the negative emotions such as anger that she suppressed. Originally, she tried to destroy them, but in the end, she was eliminated with them.

True order is not control, freedom

The experience is our own. Rogers said that the so-called "self" is the sum of all experiences. Krishnamurti values ​​the present more. He said that when you are sad, what you are most worth doing is to integrate with sorrow. In fact, it was originally one. At this moment, I am sad. Sadness is me, but we always think that there is a "I" besides sorrow, which creates division.

Countless people will say that they live in the moment. But few people know what it means to live in the moment. This means that the feelings, emotions and emotions produced at this moment are the only ones of the moment. If you still have a concept of "I" in your mind, then you are not living in the moment. The so-called "I" is actually the residue of all the experiences of the past. If you are attached to this "I" and you say "I am sad", then you have a distance from sorrow, sorrow is no longer a therapeutic power, sorrow is no longer a voice of nature, sorrow seems to be destruction The power of sex.

However, it is not sadness that destroys "I", but "I" destroys sorrow.

Therefore, sadness, anger, anxiety, jealousy, etc. are not problems. The problem is that we try to destroy them. We regard them as out of order. We want to control this, thinking that the situation of control is order. In fact, the true order is freedom, it is natural, and it is living in the present.

This is a very simple but hard-to-understand reason, because we have too much control over the "I" and "I".