Tips for urging people

I usually don't like to try to convince others, because people's thinking has a certain pattern, and the change of ideas usually depends on epiphany. Reasoning is actually a futile exercise, just like you will never wake up to sleep. This kind of thinking is very correct, but in the end it is also an escape, afraid of encountering obstacles and lazy to face the need to communicate with others to resolve conflicts, and there is no expectation for a smooth ending to convince others to reach a consensus.

In the early years, I saw a talk show. Several hosts were talking about love and marriage. Zhu Xun said that she had a bad habit. After brushing her teeth, she didn’t put the toothpaste cover on her back. My parents at home also criticized her, but I can't change it. However, after her marriage, her husband, Wang Zhi, another host of CCTV at that time, did not blame after discovering this incident. He only said: "If you can cover the toothpaste cover, I will love you more." It’s amazing, Zhu Xun actually changed his original habits and finished it every time he finished washing.

At that time, my mother, as an audience, said in a side talk: "I don't believe it. Isn't this a slap?" My life experience is not enough to support me to make a judgment on this matter, but it is only a temporary record and I am deeply impressed. Many years later, after repeatedly persuading a three-year-old child to put the toy in good condition, I suddenly remembered the sentence: "You will collect the toy, I will love you more." The effect is magical, the children think about it. Receiving a toy, he wants to be a person who gets more love. If you say to him, "Why don't you always collect your own toys and make a mess?", he will definitely pout and continue to do his own thing.

I thought about it for a moment. These two rhetoric are different in motivating people: one is to choose one kind of behavior when they are disliked by others, and the other is to work hard to become a better and more worthy person. Even if the two can work in a short period of time, there are differences in the realm.

No one in the world likes to listen to the lectures. The "good heart" conversation that criticizes and corrects the core content will always cause a great rebound. Come up and comment on the face, then list how you should be, or you will be cast aside, only let us I feel that "others are hell" in Sartre's novels, and I feel that the world is so annoying.

In addition, when you give suggestions to others, the speaking skills are very important. There is a microblog on the Internet like this: Don't say "you are too dark for this foundation", say "you use this foundation to look black"; Say, "You can't wear this pair of pants in your leg shape." Say, "You don't wear a good leg shape." Be sure to shirk responsibility to clothes, pants and cosmetics, and the TA itself must be perfect.

Indeed, only when the other party feels your understanding and recognition of the TA can you listen to your words and accept those useful opinions.