Internet classic funny quotes

1. In the past, there was a baby in the dormitory, too honest, and sometimes stupid and cute. After turning off the lights at night, everyone was chatting again. He said: "When Laozi has money, he will find three girls." We tasted him up, asked him to say then, and he said calmly: "Play majiang…"

2. Your long shape is not allowed, and the proportion is not well.

3. Son: "Dad, there is an old uncle outside. He is always screaming outside, so Dad can you give me two dollars? I want to give him." Dad: "Hey children, you will be pitiful old people when you are young." It is worthy of praise, giving you two dollars." Dad: "Oh, yes, what is the old uncle?" Son: "Ice cake ice cream, a 2 dollar! Come on!"

4. At the time of the exam, I wanted the salted fish to turn over the pot. His grandmother did not expect to stick the pot.

5. When you were born, you cried, the people around you smiled; when you passed away, you smiled, and everyone around you was crying!

6. What is youth, crying and crying?

7. The train to hell has already started, please do not disturb.

8. My mother said that the prodigal son will not change the gold, who will give me gold? I will change.

9. If you don't follow the common sense, if Conan is alive, he will be mad into Maori Kogoro.

10. There are more and more monsters in the world, and Don Juan is getting less and less.

11. One day and a half, a middle-aged man used WeChat to find nearby people, added a recent girl WeChat, and then said: "Hello girl! It's close to you! Have time to have tea together!" Answer: "Dad, how about changing your avatar? Big night, go to bed!"

12. When a classmate talks with a foreigner, I always like to see the place where the belly button is. Next to a student friend reminded: "You should look at the eyes of others. How can I always look at the belly button!" The classmate explained: "Foreign movies are much more, and there is always a subtitle in that place."

13. In the pig pen, you don't have to pay attention to human etiquette.

14. Passing by you but you don't know it is me, because I twisted my head.

15. At the beginning of the man, the sex is good, you save money, I eat.

16. The impulse of a moment, the crisis of the children!

17. My mother taught me from an early age, learning the sea is boundless, and turning back is the shore.

18. Actually, I am not fat, just too lazy to be thin.

19. The girl is invaluable, the young woman is more expensive, and if there is a rich woman, both can be thrown.

20. Don't be fooled, be careful to mix you up.

21. Roll paper on the nib, seven cigarettes. It’s hard to get hot and cold. It’s not good to scratch your ears, such as sitting on a needle felt, blinking alone, infinitely bitter! It’s easy to answer questions. The ringtone is rolled out and scored a few

22. Class reunion, playing the truth game, one person said that I have not done xx things, if other people have done it, they must consciously drink. A girl who first appeared said "I have not played the plane." The five boys on the table immediately silently picked up the glasses on the table. This is too TM.

23. Sweet, fragrant, spicy, sour, bitter, so many flavors... you just like it.

24. It’s really hard to be a woman in this year. You open up people and say you sing. You traditionally say that you are dressed.

25. Speaking of telephone scammers, how many people can have the daring of our beautiful sister at the front desk? It was another phone call that day, and then the other party said: "We are the Public Security Bureau, there is a drug found in your package, please Contact us..." The words have not finished yet, my sister took the case and started: "Which goods do you dare to intercept? Which detachment? Call the X Secretary!" The other party slammed the phone...

26. Don't be optimistic like a fart, think you can be earth-shattering.

27. The man asked a friend: "I heard that you talked about the object." The friend replied: "Yes, two-thirds of the success." The man wondered: "How do you say this?" The friend explained: "The matchmaker agreed. I agree, but the woman did not agree!"

28. Just because I saw you more in the crowd, I later blinked.

29. The two men are at the same table and have a good relationship. On a certain day, A was sick and accompanied by B, and then came back together. When I entered the school gate, the uncle who was guarding the door kindly asked: "Do you engage in the basics?" The two men were petrified on the spot, and a cold wind blew... A little face grievous and said: "Grandpa, I like it." It’s a woman.” This is the turn of the grandfather. After three seconds of petrification, B only reacted. The original grandfather asked: "You are a few taller!"

30. Accompanying his wife to buy clothes, wife: "How does the boss sell this clothes?" Store: "350 yuan." "Wife: "It's too expensive!" Store: "Minimum 300, don't bargain!" Wife: "35 OK? I can sell it! "I: ... terrified. Store: "Well, pay!" Wife: "The second time, buy expensive!" I suddenly have thousands of grass mud horses rushing over: What kind of trouble do you want at this time?

31. Unconsciously, people are moldy, so don’t be unconscious.

32. Throwing a tiger cage for you, the tigers don’t dare to eat you.

33. You don't even know Yao Ming, how can I play football with you? You are so funny.

34. I really miss the childhood, when I am hot, I can be as shirtless as a man!

35. BBK lighter, where not to point.

36. Isn’t gender equality done? Why can’t I go to the women’s toilet?

37. When you are gone, I will miss you, but the question is, why are you still not going?

38. The cow hits the high-voltage line and it is really lightning.

39. Since the person has been tanned, his face is good, his teeth are white, and his drink is not blushing.

40. If a person lives by eating, the meal is not called rice, called feed.

41. The face is something outside the body, but it is necessary or not. Money is a necessary thing and has to be.

42. The couple tested their son's future intentions and placed four things in the living room: books, banknotes, beauty photos, Maotai wine, and peeping behind the door. When the son came home from school and looked around, after confirming that no one was there, he put the money into the book, took a photo of the beauty, picked up the bottle, and entered the room without any problems. Couples marvel: MLGB, this child will be in politics in the future

43. A Shanxi coal boss took a plane to take a plane and expressed his respect for Guan Gong. He purchased a plane ticket for him and arranged it in his seat. When the time is up, the plane has not seen the takeoff. After a while, the airport loudspeakers are calling: "Mr. Guan Yunchang, please board the plane!"

44. The so-called natural wake-up is actually awake by the urine.

45. What is the head teacher: a person who destroys your friendship, destroys your love, and never let go of your affection.

46. ​​If you have a next life, I must be your heart, because I don't jump, you have to die.

47. Looking at a temple from afar, seeing my alma mater, more than 300 nuns, more than 10,000 old roads.

48. "110? Come on! Something happened!" "Hello, what emergency situation do you have?" "Two girls have to associate with me, fight!" "That... this... this ......" "Come on! The ugly one has to win!"

49. I originally wanted to give a kiss to life, but the reality gave me two slaps. You said that in return, can I not blame him?

50. 贱 is also an art, let us work together on this art!

51. Throw coins: go to the Internet on the front side, go to sleep on the reverse side, and set up your homework when you stand up.

52. I have been chasing a girl for many years. On that day, she sent me a message: If you never abandon, I will in life and death. I did not understand, please have a friend translation of level 6, he said: If you want to leave me, I will go with you. So I was heartbroken and never contacted the girl again. Later, when I passed the sixth grade in English, I realized that it was "If you don't leave, I will live and die."