There are not only scenery in the detour, but also the neglected near road.

My life was once lost, I don’t know where to go. When I didn't choose, I fell into frustration.

Regarding work, I don't know which city to go to, I don't know what kind of work I should do, I don't know which form to choose. I want to go to Yungui as an ordinary teacher, live a leisurely life, and receive visitors from all directions. I want to be a full-time writer and record every story I see; I want to stay in Beijing. Entrepreneurship, no regrets, youth, prove yourself; I want to enter a large unit, work stably, accumulate some money; I want to be a psychological counselor, save people and bitter sea; I want to go to the degree of Chinese philosophy , spread Chinese studies; I want to use my psychology to teach my parents and educate my parents in China; I want to do so much, but I don’t know which way is right...

So in these years, I have done two things: change the target to change jobs, and do not do it under the entanglement.

There are not only scenery in the detour, but also the neglected near road.

I am still struggling online. And for a moment, I kept myself swearing: I really didn't use it, I couldn't even choose the way. I couldn't do it all the time. The most irritating young people's impetuousness can't be down-to-earth, so three hearts and minds, heart and soul, looking at the mountains One mountain high, how did it happen? I accidentally heard the message of the old classmates, and entered the internship of a certain unit from the beginning of the senior year. After many years of hard work, she has become a small supervisor and is still waiting to be married. Look at yourself again, you can only use nothing to describe.

The same is true about feelings. I have a lot of girls who are fascinated by how many people will be with each other, and then start to entangle, start before countless starts and stop, and finally end with "struggling is not enough love." The most terrible thing is that you can't find the object, but you are not sure if you want to go to the end with one person. I didn't even know what I wanted. Sometimes I felt that I should find a diligent and kind girl. Sometimes I felt that I should find a mature and intellectual girl. Sometimes I felt that I should not make myself too noble and neglect the beauty of appearance. The result was to pick and choose, to find nothing, and then to be accused by countless people.

The self-blame of the process is not worse than the confusion of work. I want to find a girl who is interested in the old, but I always can't define what is good. My friends said that I shouldn't be picky. I also want to find a good old man in the future. I think there is still at least 50 years of marriage to go. How can I be indifferent when I am not satisfied? When I think so, I am more I myself, the people around me have sent invitations to get married, and I still feel wandering. I can’t help but feel that my psychological problems are extremely serious. Therefore, I refused to participate in one wedding party after another because of busy work and other reasons.

So more confused, lonely, frustrated, helpless, depressed. It’s not a sigh of time, but a sigh of incompetence. Knowledge can make up, experience can be accumulated, connections can be built, but the road can not be selected, what kind of self-abuse.

I really want to make do, just look for something to do in the end, just find a girl to chase it. I am sad that this can't be chosen casually.

What is even more tragic is that I am a psychologist. I am like this. How can I comfort others? It is precisely because I am a psychologist that I have opened my mouth to this question one after another.

Because countless people came to ask me about my confused problems, I started to reflect on my own problems and began to heal myself.

A man who has worked in a foreign company for 10 years does not know whether he should resign or not, and he does not know how to deal with the work. In the past 10 years, he has been in this unit since graduation and has become a screw. He has done the ultimate in this nail hole, but he has not been happy for 10 years. He didn't want to continue this state of working for survival. He understood that life should do what he really loves. However, life begins to move toward forty, and what will go. Therefore, it is not confusing, only more confusion. He would rather explore the school for a few more years, at least seeing it, and choosing it, there will be no detours for 10 years. When I reminded him that he was successful and loved in the eyes of the public, he smiled, life was lost and unhappy, how did others see it? Later we explored that he was too concerned about others saying that he did not Persistence and "floating", so I chose to stay for 10 years. I always thought that the straight road he took was a huge detour in his eyes.

A woman who has been married for 3 years, with innocent children, is even more confused. She does not know whether this marriage is right or wrong. She said that two people are parallel lines. He is very good to her and gives her money, but It feels totally wrong. He is tired of work and neglects the family. She likes literature and art. He loves engineering. They don't even have arguments and can't have common interests. She said that her only expectation for marriage is "there is a person who knows me", but now there is only one person who gives me money. She said that she will earn money herself. She didn't know how to deal with this marriage. I heard how the little couples around me were so poor but like-minded. He talked to a little 5-year-old guy in the unit. She felt desperate: on the one hand, she hated herself should not be rushed when marriage was ignorant, and on the other hand hated herself in the besieged city.

I heard a lot of remorse, self-blame, dissatisfaction, accompanied by the current confusion. Emotion.

When people are dissatisfied with the status quo, they will want to change, but they want to change, but few people know exactly what they want. Clear people don’t know whether they should do it according to their inner thoughts. I don't know where to start. Confusion is like the air, everywhere is filled with people in the city and inside, especially young people.

People can only know the past, and ultimately do not know the future. Then the future is full of uncertainty, unless you can hardly predict the outcome at the moment of the event, so it will be full of uneasiness, not knowing whether the result is good or bad. Even if it is foreseeable, you can't decide what the other option will be, and then assume that the other option is also good, and then blame yourself.

What people want most is: I can know what will happen tomorrow, and make sure that this result is the best among many choices.

But God can't do it. Then people invented magical weapons to do what God can't do: rules. People use inherent thinking to predict the future. For example, for me, I think that it is good to be stable, specific, and now determined, from the beginning to the end. It is bad to change jobs and directions frequently, hesitate to take steps, and not be sure to go. I assume that the former has a good result, and the latter one is cast aside. The other kind of person regrets with another kind of rule: more trials, more insights, courage to compare, dare to give up, loyalty to the heart is good, and rigid, abide by, knowing that it is not suitable, still insisting, knowing is wrong, still stubborn or bad. of.

I suddenly felt that these two people should fight one and kill each other: What do you want to sing, so don't cherish your own excellence.

You can't say the beauty of the detour, or the beauty of the straight road. They all said that they took a detour and missed the scenery. You can't even say that a detour is better than a straight road to reach your destination. How do you know that the straight road you choose is not a detour? How do you know that the current detour is actually a closer way?

The story of the chicken soup that has been fun for us countless times: When you dig a well, can you dig it in a place, or if you dig it, you can change it? Until you dig into the water, you can never judge the water. Whether it is deeper or elsewhere. Even if you dig into it, you can't be sure if your current choice is more convenient than that one.

We can't judge, which kind of view of life is good and which view is bad. A good shooter can shoot the arrow directly at the bull's-eye. It is a warrior. He pays the hardships that you can't imagine. The ordinary shooter shoots a lot of arrows and always has a bulls-eye. It is also a warrior. He dares to go through the trial and choose the best. There is also a smart shooter who draws a center to the place where the arrow is inserted after the arrow is shot. They all finished their final happiness and reached the end. We are all envious of the first one, that is, Bill Gates was born to be good for the code. Most of us are struggling in the second, doing a lot of efforts to achieve the recognized correctness, but forgetting that we can do the third: No matter what kind of life you live, you can adjust your point of view, accept your own life, and find reasons to support your life.

There are no right or wrong, just different life paths.

Also put down the demands that are so high for yourself. I found out that I still have a particularly high requirement: when I choose, I will choose the path I want to stick to in my life. When I am in love, I have to choose someone to spend with my life. This is the paradox of "love is about to get married", too high demands. I really want this, but I also know that this can't be done absolutely. So when I keep negating my choices and continually succumbing to choices, I will be so sad because I have not fulfilled my request to "choose for life."

Behind the high demands is a complete denial of the existing: look, for a few years, still at the origin. But obviously this is a false proposition. Even though I didn't find the final way out, I never stopped to be stupid when I graduated. Regardless of knowledge, experience, and interpersonal relationships, I have accumulated a certain amount. And, I have never left psychology. I just don't know what to do with psychology.

I remembered a friend I used to have. She is married, I didn't go. This is a girl who has screamed at me many times to be confused and painful: struggling in big cities, working uncertainly, feelings are uncertain, and they are frequently changed, and life is in a trough. At that time, I was embarrassed and didn't know how to help her. Later, she tossed enough, and the road gradually became clear. She said that she knew what she wanted most. She returned to her hometown, became a middle school teacher, and got married with her first love. When I got married, I didn't dare to go. I was afraid, I was afraid that I watched her and finally got out of the way after countless confusion. I am afraid to listen to her in person to say these words in QQ: I am married, we just bought a loan this year, ready to buy another car next year, after the birth of a baby...

She came out of her hometown and returned to her hometown. Break up with the first love, after several rotations of lovers, and get married with the first love. I don't know if the roads she walked were detours or straight roads. Did she go around in a circle, wasted a few years, and fell behind a lot of girls in the same village. But she must know more about cherish and not be confused than those who graduated and graduated. Because she has the capital to say: I have seen the outside, so I no longer yearn for it.

I am still on my lost road, I will continue to be confused.

At least at the age I still have to toss, I will toss it hard. I allowed myself to try. When my dust settled, I dare say: I have tossed, do you have it? I can tell them after 10 years: You are lost, I have experienced it 10 years ago.

Because of confusion, it is more determined. This may be the so-called potential energy. The longer you are confused, the more you will precipitate. When you really choose, you will be more determined. All you have to do is: allow any life that happens in the moment, if you don't like it, you can stick or give up, it's all good. You don't have to live one kind, and then you want another.

Because, accepting life is presented to you in its way. There are not only landscapes but also neglected near roads.

Moreover, you may also harvest additional scenery on the road.