College entrance examination, life can bear the weight

College entrance examination, life can bear the weight

Text / Wang Jun

Prepare to write about the student era. Haven't had time to mobilize memories, the past has been like a flood in front of us. And on the cusp of the cusp, still, is still in 1989, my college entrance examination years!

Yes, that was the first Oscar for my life. To this day, I often do dreams about college entrance examinations—the tears still merge into rivers in my dreams. That is my golden years, I will never forget.

In the year I entered the third year, I was 16 years old. A child who grew up in the bottom of the workers' family, I was quite sensible in many aspects at the age of 16: I happened to be in a state of care between parents who were unharmonious and protected and cared for mothers with heart disease. From the age of 11, I began to take care of the housework and cook as a small butler, and carefully saved every penny for families with financial constraints. At school, I am a good teacher of the teacher, a good squad leader of the classmates... but these can't hide the reality that I am still a child who doesn't care about the world. The innocence of the year was even stupid and shocking: throughout the high school period, my study was almost completely disordered, and the results were not ideal, but I was blindly optimistic about the future of my destiny. Good friends often mention a past event, saying that before the college entrance examination, I also seriously encouraged him to worry about the fear of college entrance examination. I said very seriously: "I never thought I would not go to college!" After many years, I As soon as I thought of that conversation, I was ashamed of myself.

Perhaps, this is the cruel youth nowadays--the cruelty of youth, but because young and frivolous, arrogant and long-awaited.

But life has its own way to laugh at you and educate you. The 1989 college entrance examination exploded on time like a timed explosive. My name is Luoshan. This is unexpected to me. In fact, it is expected by all teachers. Of course, this is something I only know after a long time.

In the late 1980s of the last century, the college entrance examination was almost the only road for young people at that time. Falling to the list means falling. At the time, the rivers and lakes were not like the present, and they were everywhere.

The students were almost all on the various admission lines, and all of them were readable, including the classmates who were "teaching me" and "I never thought I could not go to college." Only a few of us were suddenly thrown down by the big forces. They were left alone on a desert island. There is no future, no retreat, and the world is long, but they can only tear down.

At that moment, I really understood the meaning of the idiom "No way to go." That year, the parents who had been noisy for a lifetime finally formally divorced. The mother lives in a grandmother's house and is busy with a family that is also confused. It has been several years since my father’s economic situation has collapsed. They have no time to take care of me. In fact, I have been accustomed to the state of this wild hoe since I was a child, but on the night of the college entrance examination, I felt that all my strengths had collapsed. I did not have the courage to return to the dark and poor home.

I don't dare or go home. So I and another classmate, Li Deyuan, hid in Hu Weidong's house. We are all losers, and we are sympathetic to each other. At the time, Hu Weidong’s home was still in two dilapidated, leaking yellow mud houses on the outskirts of the Lijiang River. The three 17-year-old children were suddenly thrown out of the campus they had already used to, and the goal of life was suddenly lost. The crumbling yellow mud house that is common in the countryside could not fit our loss and stunned.

At that time, it was not fashionable to drink alcohol, and we did not have the money to drink. I only remember that after we were hungry that night, we cooked some tomatoes in white water to eat. No eggs, no oil. Everyone is so speechless and overwhelmed. When the day was bright, we finally got tired and got asleep and fell asleep. In the middle of the night, the wind was overwhelming. I heard the sound of the furry flying on the roof of Hu Weidong’s house and the floor of the tiles. The heart was empty and ruined.

Hu Weidong's home was renovated into a new house in the mid-1990s. The upper and lower floors are dedicated to feeding pigs. In the wilderness of the western countryside, it is a very stylish house. However, I can't forget the night of the wind and rain, the two stormy cabins. It was that night that I suddenly realized how weak and small I was in front of life, but I had to face life independently. It was also that night, I experienced the clearest and most thorough growth I have ever realized - and all the previous sufferings were not worth mentioning compared to the fear of the time.

The next day, I went home and gave my transcript to my father. I lowered my head and didn't talk. The father had no expression. For a long time, he only sighed and muttered: "The language is not well tested!" Language is my strength, but I only scored 72 points in the 89-year college entrance examination for 120 points. I just passed. Then my father went downstairs, did not pronounce my fate, leaving me silently crying in the room without windows and doors.

My father actually arranged the way for me: he asked me to go to the county team where he was working at the time to be a ticket seller. I dare not blame my father. In those few years, the family was heavily in debt due to demolition and construction. Later, after the house was built, we did not decorate and we stayed in. The house has no windows, no electricity, and even the walls are not painted. In order to save a few cents of food, the father had to walk an hour to go home to eat at noon. I know that my father’s arrangement is really because there is no way to go.

"No!" But I rejected my father with silence. "I want to repeat!" I only groaned with a very unreasonable voice, and then escaped from the door of my father's fearful eyes. The place I went the most in the summer was the hexagonal pavilion opposite the home. I used to sit on the highest floor of the pavilion, staring at the whole city under my feet, and immersed in the boundless chaos.

Tuition fees are not expensive now. But at the time, for many rural families and ordinary workers' families, the combination of tuition and living expenses was still a heavy burden. In other articles, I specifically wrote about my embarrassment. In the summer of 1989, the phrase "She wants to read, I pay her tuition" changed my entire destiny. In September 1989, I became a senior, and I was transferred to the class.

The admission notices of the students are still coming in succession, and the transfer students leave one by one. Occasionally there are times of loss, but I have calmed down. After experiencing the nightmare of the summer vacation, I have been able to face my destiny. I carefully took care of my tuition fees and carefully counted the life of each day. I calmly sat in the 90th class classroom and started another life.

Until now, I must also admit: my true learning began in 1990.

From small to large, in the eyes of teachers and parents, I am a child, they even thought that I was a very hardworking child. In fact, it is just an illusion. I am not only a smart child, but also a child who is very self-conscious. Especially in the high school and high school stage, I almost spent all my life in the inexplicable busy. At that time, I was keen on community activities and class management, and I was completely unable to study with ease. Throughout the high school, my studies were completely ruined.

However, 90 years of me, reborn, completely immersed in another world.

I refused all campus social activities and blocked my spiritual world. I have reduced my desire for life to the lowest level, studying day and night, studying tirelessly, studying intensely and regularly. I race against time to calculate the time of eating within 15 minutes, carefully planning to get up at 4 am in the morning to grab the school's laundry tank to wash clothes only in order to spend the least time to handle the house. I pay more attention to the expenditure of each day. I only eat meat once in two weeks and try to save a little bit of money to buy books... It is a day of fanaticism dedicated to the college entrance examination. It is the most noble state of mind, but the most peaceful in the spiritual world. day. Learning has become the only thing in life, and I have been working hard in the daytime, and my days are clear and clear.

This year is the most bitter and most tiring, but the kind of reluctance to make every minute and every second flash, let every minute of 1990 be refined in the poor life and simple pursuit. At that time, I especially liked a poem. The whole poem was not remembered. The last two sentences were often heard in my ear:

In the quiet night,

Think back to the eruption of the spring...

It is with such poetry that pain has become small in the face of people's determined struggle. The pain becomes salt, and in life, it becomes the calcium of life.

And with the 18-year-old calcium, the spirit is high. That year was spent with dry hoes, spent on kerosene lamps, and spent the day and night watching the night... but now I look at my 90-year photo, thin but beautiful Tall and straight, and the sky is flying. Looking back at the 18-year-old story, it is mostly sweet and little bitter.

Probably because of political reasons, the 90-year college entrance examination situation is even more tragic. I only took the specialist line with the results of the top few in the class. But this did not affect my mood to enter the university. In September 1990, I walked into the university. Although it is the oldest university in a hometown, but because of the experience of 1990, I am like a duck, my university life has been different from the beginning - in the context of the general lamentation of college students at the time, I insisted Reading the "high four" state read the college, and brought this state to later study and work. So, I have not been too lifeless today.

More than two decades have passed. Today, when people are in middle age, they should have more power to evaluate any life in the first place. Looking back at the experience of the college entrance examination and re-reading, I still feel more laughter than crying, sweeter than bitter. Thanks to the college entrance examination, I am a 17-year-old who woke up from the illusion of youth and forced me to face myself. This is not a lucky thing! The college entrance examination is the purgatory of my youth. In the process of being tempered, I saw my true growth and strength for the first time: people can be knocked down, but they can never be defeated. Later, I read "The Old Man and the Sea". The deep resonance made me excited and tearful.

Thanks to the cruelty of the college entrance examination, I saved myself from the vanity and shackles of youth, and let me return to the truth and fulfillment of life. At the age when it is most easy to indulge in glitz and romance, I was hit by the college entrance examination on the ground. From then on, I don’t hate, complain, and work hard, sunrise, endless. It is hard to face the yellow earth back to the sky, but only this hardship can give us the growth of the soul early. In this sense, it is the failure of the college entrance examination to achieve me.

Therefore, although there are still many imperfections in the college entrance examination system, although the exaggeration of the media and the weakness of the students now make the college entrance examination how terrible it is, I still have to say: even if you don’t experience “black July”, you Should experience a similar baptism of life - this is the weight of life can bear!

And after a few years, when you look back, you will definitely have a meaningful evaluation of your "black high school."

Maybe like me, always thank the college entrance examination - thank you for all the life can bear.