Trying to change others is worse than changing yourself first.

Take a good look at your life, write down the names of the people you want to change now, the colleagues you work with, the people you live with, your family, your friends, your boss, a bank manager... and then Review your life and think about how many times you have to use multiplication to calculate the number of people, never knowing when to start the sum of the people you want to change.

Think about how many hours, days, weeks, and months you have spent in your life. Trying to change others for this purpose is only disappointment and sadness. Because no one has changed, no one has been changed as you expect. If you add these days together, it may be several years. You have lost the precious time in your life. Have you changed one person?

The only change that may be you! Let us see what happens when we are as excited as others to participate in this popular pastime.

Think of someone who has recently lost your hand, close your eyes and recall the situation at the time, feel that you are back to that time, recall your location and all the details, and recall your feelings at that moment - let yourself Relive the feelings that have been born, even if you didn't notice the change at the time.

Remember that situation, pay attention to the changes in your body: feel the tension and tension it brings to you - maybe in your stomach, your neck and shoulders, your forehead, around your mouth and eyes. Check out your sucking – is it soothing or compact?

Don't judge yourself as you see them, just write them down. Ask yourself: Is this a pleasant feeling? Can it nourish me? Is it good for my body? Does it make me feel open or contracted, warm or cold, hard or soft? I will hope for mine. Good friends have the same feeling?

Then go to experience the situation and see how you hurt yourself when you ask others to change.

You also hurt others, and you make them feel embarrassed. Then the other party begins to resist - even if they know that you are right, but in order to protect their dignity and face, they must fight against the end. Asking them to give up is equal to asking them to be children, being told that you know more than they are, that you know exactly what they need or should be, and that self will never allow such things to happen.

Experience tells you that the more you try to change others, the more people rebel against you, which creates a vicious circle, and then both of you feel worse.

Therefore, trying to change others is like hitting the wall with your head.

Anyway, when you ask yourself, is it really my responsibility to change others? Do you respect them? What kind of answers do you get?

Your mind will make a very rational explanation: it is for them to be good: they can't see the adverse effects of their own problems on themselves and others: then they will progress... and so on.

But your instincts, your "feel", knowing that this is a bit too wrong. Why do you judge people? Do you think you are superior? Are you perfect yourself? Behind the conflict is a wounded self let us look at these facts:

This person has their own unconscious reasons to be what they are now, perhaps their unconscious behavior has angered you, but that reaction is yours, from the unloved, loved, respected, accepted needs, Or unrealistic expectations.

Looking at the list of things you want to be happy from others, is it related to the need to be loved, accepted and respected?

They are your own needs, but you unrealistically want others to understand and satisfy. The truth is that other people are unlikely to meet your needs, and is it really their job to meet your needs?

They are now having their own unconscious reasons, not for us personally. You don't know their life experiences – how they were treated when they were young, what unconscious beliefs they carried, how to protect, defend, avoid injury, and learn to hide their need for love with tough armor. .

You can continue to blame them, project your unrealistic expectations on them, and hope they become another person they are not. Or, you can apply the wisdom of something more in this situation.

Behind the conflict with others is a hurt self.

As long as you understand this, you have the opportunity to see yourself and ask: "Why do I insist on changing this person?"

If you are honest with yourself, you will see that behind all your rationalization, you have a hurt self who is saying to others, "You ignore me, don't respect me, don't like me, you don't love me, I don't accept me either." Words like this.

This is hidden behind the conflict between us and others – a self that does not feel love, is appreciated and accepted. If you can recognize yourself, you can recognize others. And "awareness" is the recipe for solving all conflicts.

What does this mean? When we feel that we are not respected and accepted, we will take revenge - fiercely or negatively, whether directly or indirectly, or indirectly deliberately destroying, revenge creates a vicious circle of conflict, And this is often out of control.

If you can understand the reasons for your reaction to others, and what changes you expect them to have, then you know what kind of responsibility you have to be responsible for, and you will get more favorable choices.

Give yourself more respect and appreciation as a start, because if you truly appreciate and accept yourself, can other people's reactions to you affect you? Do you still need to rely on others' compliance with you to affirm yourself? think for a while.

If you perceive that your inner unconsciousness causes you to react to others—you desire to be recognized, accepted, and loved, then you will have a power inside to stop this self-struggle. You realize that the revenge made by the injured self is actually childish and ridiculous. Knowing this can make you relieved, you let go! This understanding also makes you humble and brings you back to yourself, body and mind.

Going back to yourself also gives you the opportunity to see how people are driven by their own unconsciousness. What kind of life, what kind of experience, constitutes them - how they are treated when they are children; what kind of beliefs they carry about their own good, and a strong desire for love.

By connecting with your desire to be accepted and hurt, you can connect with each other's desire to be accepted and hurt, which opens the way for a new level of communication.