Why do I ask you to read?

I asked you that day, "What do you want to do in the future?" I noticed that you are very disdainful to answer my question, so I am connected with me. It is because people of your generation are too confident about the future, so I don’t bother to be as diligent as I was when I was young, but I’m too ignorant of the future, so I’m pretending to be a mocking and arrogant gesture. , to avoid my questioning?

I almost have to believe that you are pretending to be chic. Are the young people today so chic about the future? The shots of French young people shouting protests on the streets have shocked the whole world: this is not the youth of the 1960s, the romantic revolutionary ideals of the revolutionary street shouting - wearing a wreath Singing with a guitar, this is the 21st century youth who are struggling for their own real livelihoods.

From my 21-year-old to your 21-year-old, the human suicide rate has increased by 60%. You deliberately evade my question because you are 21 years old, are you still studying at university, and feel the pressure of reality?

a painter who has been unemployed since he was 18

Remember the painter we met in Germany, Timothy? He loved painting since childhood, and in the German education system with free atmosphere, no competition and ranking, he learned foreign language translation for a while, and learned to be a locksmith for a while. Learn to be a woodworker. I can't find a job after graduation. One year has passed, two years have passed, and three years have passed. Now, how many years should it be? I don't remember, but when he was unemployed, he was only 18 years old. He is 41 years old this year. Still, I am still unemployed and live with my mother.

When he was fine, he sat in the window facing the street and painted a giraffe. In his pen, the giraffe's neck came out of the bus top, crossed the airport, and walked into a theater that was showing a movie... It stared at the long eyelashes of the eyelashes and stared at a child riding a tricycle.

Because he didn't have a job, he didn't get married, and naturally he didn't have a child. In fact, he has always lived a child's life. However, his mother is almost 80 years old. I am not worried that you will become Timothy in the future? To be honest, yes, I am also worried.

It is not easy to treat you as "someone else"

I remember the conversation we had on the balcony that night. You said, "Mom, you have to be clear about the fact that you have a very mediocre son." You sit in a chair in the balcony, facing the sea, with a cigarette in your hand. It was 3 in the morning.

If a friend sees you smoking in front of me, he will look at me with an incredible look. "How can he smoke in front of his mother? How can you allow his son to smoke in front of you?"

I seriously thought about this problem. I don't like people smoking because I don't like the smell of smoke, and I don't like my son smoking because smoking can bring fatal lung cancer to him. However, my son is 21 years old and is an independent adult. If you are an adult, you have to be responsible for his own actions and bear the consequences for his own mistakes. Once I accepted this logic, he decided to smoke. How do I "do not allow it"? What power or authority do I have to restrain him?

I watched you smoke, lifted your legs, smoked, spit out a cloud of blue mist, and wanted to pull the smoke out of your mouth and throw it into the sea. But I said to myself in my heart, "Remember, you are sitting in front of an adult, you have to treat him like all other adults in the world. You will not take the smoke from your friend or a stranger’s mouth, so You can't put this person in front of you

The smoke was pulled away. He is no longer your 'child', he is a 'other'. ”

The growth of youth is not an easy task, everyone knows. However, it is not easy to hold you and protect your growing mother to learn to "let go" and treat you as a certain "other"!

If you are willing to brush your hippo

"Where are you ' mediocre'?" I said, what does mean mean?"

"I feel that my future career will not be comparable to you, nor to Dad. You both have a Ph.D." I was a little surprised to hear this.

"I can almost certainly determine that I am unlikely to have a father's achievements, and even less likely to have your achievements. I may become a very ordinary person, have a very ordinary education, a very ordinary occupation, not very rich, no Name. One of the most mediocre people. "You put out the smoke, "Would you be disappointed?"

Now I have forgotten what I said to you at the time, saying that I will not be disappointed, I am happy no matter what you do, because I love you? Or do you disapprove of arguing about the "plain" philosophy? Or try to persuade very seriously You - you are not mediocre, just haven't found your true self?

I do not remember. However, I can tell you now if I am "mean" and I am "disappointed".

The most important thing for me is not whether you have achieved anything, but whether you are happy. In the modern life structure, what kind of work is more likely to give you happiness? First, it gives you meaning, your work does not kidnap you, let you do the job of captive, and second, it gives you time to allow You go to experience life fully.

As for money and fame, where is the core element of happiness? If the choice in front of you is to go to Wall Street as a bank manager or to the zoo to take care of the Lion Hippo administrator, and you are a person who likes animal research, I am completely Do not think that the bank manager is more successful, or the administrator of the Lion Hippo is "mediocre". Every day, for the money ups and downs and struggles, it is likely that it is better to bathe the elephants every day and brush the hippo.

When your work makes sense in your mind, you have a sense of accomplishment. When your work gives you time and does not deprive you of your life, you have dignity. A sense of accomplishment and dignity give you happiness.

I am afraid that you will become Timothy who painted giraffes, not because he has no money and no name, but because he can't find meaning. I ask you to study hard, not because I want you to be more successful than others, but because I want you to have more choices in the future, choose meaningful, time-based work, rather than being forced to make a living.

If we are not comparing with others, but only looking for the comfort of ourselves, then the word "parity" does not make sense. "Mediocrity" is compared with others, and the comfort of the soul is compared with oneself. When the thousands of mountains and waters come to the end, our ultimate object of responsibility is the word "self". Therefore, of course you have no reason to compare with your previous generation, or to live with the imagination of the previous generation.

Similarly, smoking does not smoke, you have to explain it to yourself.