The way you fight against sorrow determines what kind of person you become.

01

During the time when my grandmother had a sudden cerebral hemorrhage, the whole family was in great pain.

When I went to the hospital to visit her, she was covered with tubes. The doctor said that she may not be able to survive the next week, because there will be various complications and organ failure. Even if it is carried over, it is also a vegetative person.

When I heard the doctor, I completely gave up hope.

That second I realized that I was dead.

There are countless gaps in my heart, and countless sorrows are poured into my body from the gap, and I can hardly resist it.

I walked to the grandmother's bed, grabbed her hand, and said a lot of words in her ear that I didn't usually say.

She is not aware of it, but I still have to tell her.

I know she can't hear, but I still have to say.

She is already in a deep coma, but I still have to stare at her eyes.

Soon she will leave.

I know very well that I can take a look at it now and I will never see it again.

During that time, the family members also worked hard. The mother is taking a leave of absence in the hospital. She only sleeps for 3 hours a day. It is a great luxury to rest on the lounge chair with her eyes closed. The grandfather’s body was originally bad, his mood was low, and he was guarding the empty home. Every day, I am afraid of answering the phone, I am afraid that the hospital will send a bad message. People lost a big circle, walked and fluttered, and stood unstable. It seems to be blown by the wind and will fall.

On my side, the original work intensity is very high. In the daytime, I plan, do operations, write copywriting, and go home to write articles at night. During that time, he also wrote a script for the online drama company. On weekends, I will travel from Shanghai to Beijing to participate in scriptwriting-related forums and events.

After the grandmother was hospitalized, I didn’t want to take care of these things.

Really, in the face of life and death, the pattern of people will become bigger, and all other moments will become clouds.

I just want to spend more time with this old man.

But after a few days, I have to start working again.

Try to hide your sorrow and prevent others from seeing, smelling, and hearing.

The company gives you a reward, you just want to work. Signed a contract with the film company, you are going to fulfill the contract. If you say good activities, you will miss a lot of opportunities.

I don't know how it came over during that time. Every day is multi-line work. Go to the hospital after work, stay in the hospital for half an hour. Eat some dinner on the road, go home and work until two o'clock in the middle of the night. Lying down on the bed tiredly, falling asleep in a groggy way.

Emotions are like wounds. When you are surrounded by sorrow, any troubles will happen like salt on the wound.

02

One day I got off work and found that the battery car was smashed, and the thief stole my battery, which was bought last month.

I almost rushed into the garage manager's office with a full of anger and had a fight with them.

I rebuke them and they shirk their responsibilities. In the daytime, I thought the administrator and the thief were a group.

Later, I went to the car dealership near the company, bought a new battery, and reported the police. The police drove the car and took me to pick up the car.

Into the police station, began to record. The police asked me some questions, and I answered them one by one.

During the transcript, I also received a phone call from my mother. She said that the situation of her grandmother was very unstable. Let me go to the hospital to see it. I said yes.

When I was making a transcript, there was a woman sitting in the hall, her body kept shaking and crying. Her forehead and cheeks were hurt.

The police asked her about the situation and realized that it was a woman who had just suffered a domestic violence. The husband gambled outside all day, and the gambling lost his mood. When he got home, he beat her.

She is also a bit of suffering.

The woman asked the police if she could stay in the police station. The police said that she could not, let her go back temporarily. She refused, and was in the police station, the two police officers put her on the seat and comforted.

The police station is too noisy, I just want to leave soon.

I spent about 25 minutes in it, I came out of the police station.

When I got to the car dealership to pick up the car and check out the money with the boss, I felt completely cool in my pocket.

The wallet in the left-hand outerwear pocket seemed to be gone. I didn’t touch anything up and down for a long time.

That was the first time I was crying on the side of the road.

I feel that I have shed my usual tears on the road that night. All kinds of grievances and depression, all kinds of jealousy and powerlessness, all kinds of embarrassing things, all kinds of troubles that people can't pick up.

I suspect that the world is standing on the opposite side of me. All the rationality, restraint, calmness, and caution in the weekdays collapsed like a tall building built of sand in a flash.

That time, that time is the culmination of my sadness.

Now think about it, I don't know how I got over it. The only thing I know is that I am still coming over.

People must have the ability to overcome all sorrow.

Even if your loved ones are on the verge of life and death, you can still live on the bed with instruments and medicines today, and you may close your eyes forever tomorrow; even if you are not in the busy work, you can get them out at the desk every night. You can't breathe; even if your car is smashed and stolen; even if you are most embarrassed, the wallet is not flying, ID cards, bank cards are all inside... you still can't fall.

Finish the wound and stand up.

If you don't stand up, no one will pull you up.

It’s useless to find anyone.

Don't blame the injustice of the world.

The world is not malicious, nor is it goodwill. The world is unintentional.

03

Zhang Qiao is a friend I met while traveling in Shangri-La.

We lived together in a simple inn in the ancient city of Dukezong.

He is a columnist for a travel website in China. His usual saying to me is: "There is no home, everywhere."

I later learned that he is a person without a family.

I was unable to sleep by the insects in the middle of the night. I got up and prepared to pour a glass of water. I saw Zhangqiao sitting on the window sill and smoking. In a few words, we chatted.

I asked him if he was traveling for most of the year.

He said no, he travels 100% a year.

Because he has no home.

When Zhang Qiao was 17 years old, his mother passed away. Since then, he and his father have left in their home. Zhang Qiao told me that there are many things in the countryside that are shocking. When the father did not want his mother to go, he and his father kept the mother's body and kept it for three days and three nights. Fearing that the body was stinky and rot, his father borrowed a freezer from the grocery store next door.

The space in the freezer was very small, and the two people took a lot of effort to move the mother's body to the freezer.

His father was crying on the ground, and for a long time, his knees were bleeding. Zhang Qiao knows that the mother's body has been put down, the father will collapse, and the mother will not be peaceful. He deliberately broke the freezer plug, forcing his father to do nothing, and had to send the mother's body to the mortuary of the county hospital.

On the way home, Zhang Qiao took the hand of his father. The two men were silent all the way, and there was a sob crying from time to time.

One year later, when Zhang Qiao was 18 years old, his father passed away. He really became a helpless person and became a child who no one loves.

In 1 year, parents have passed away, and no one in the world can suffer this kind of blow. Zhang Qiao’s doorway was crying for a long time at the riverside, and then made a decision.

He sold the house to the owner of the grocery store next door, leaving the village and going to Beijing to fight.

Zhang Qiao smoked while talking about his story, sometimes even shaking his head and laughing, just like these stories never happened to him.

I asked him: "When life is the most painful, grayest, and sadstest, how did you get past it?"

He said: "Working to make money, working hard, constantly looking for a job for yourself, the most exaggerated time to do 6 jobs at the same time. Really can not stand, crying, it is best to cry out of the body, then What are you doing? I am now seeing a happy family of three on the road, and there will be a tingling in my heart, like being pinned, so I dare not look at it and generally bow my head when walking."

He spit out a smoke circle and added: "If you don't want to go, you have to live. It's not a matter of negotiation. It doesn't make sense."

This may be the case.

The way a person fights sadness determines who he will be.

04

Sandberg is the prototype of Andy in the previous episode of "The Joy", the chief operating officer of Facebook, the youngest billionaire woman in the world.

I have seen her speech at Berkeley, she shared what she learned in life, especially about death, about the death of her husband.

She said this in her speech: "A few months after that, many times after that, I feel that I have to be swallowed up by grief. It is a kind of filling your heart, your lungs, limiting you. Thinking, even the emptiness that you can't breathe. Dave's departure has changed me deeply. I know the depth of sorrow and the cruelty of love. But at the same time, I also realized that when your life sinks to the bottom, You can fight back, break through the obstacles on the surface, and breathe again. I realize that when you face the boundless emptiness, or when you face any challenges, you can choose a happy and meaningful life."

Sadness is like a deep sea. I have never experienced it. I never know that it is below sea level. What kind of suffocating and unbearable pain is.

When I have been sad, I can understand the words that Sandberg said, not chicken soup, nor a meaningless inspirational language.

What she said is a real feeling.

In the past, I used to think about a question: "Is the essence of life sad?"

I thought for a long time, and I had the courage to give an answer: "I am afraid it is."

Time is flowing, standing from the perspective of life, people, always the process of prosperity and decline.

Especially the older the age, the more you will cherish the beauty of the sunset, the more you can understand the dusk-like sadness.

Friends will be separated, lovers will be separated, and loved ones will leave. The truth that people are unwilling to face is always objective.

Since it is an objective existence, the only thing we can do is to recognize it.

Then the past.

I am not encouraging you to be an out-and-out pessimist.

Just hope that you can have some fighting spirit when suffering comes.

Protect yourself and your loved ones.

Be your own army and recruit yourself for yourself.

05

At the university where my friend was studying, there was a female teacher who had breast cancer.

She said a sentence in the last class before her sick leave:

"There are so many people suffering in the world, why can't they be me?"

Experienced up to 1 year of treatment.

She was discharged from the hospital last month.