Twenty tips in the negotiations (3)

Repentance: How to avoid being caught in the trap of others. Keeping promises is a life creed that is always praised by people. The repentance behavior is a gentleman. However, everything is too late, our culture has long taught us to be a good person who is absolutely good for people, so that we should not argue for it when many should protect our own interests. Therefore, knowing the way of repentance is a necessary beginning for a person to change his power and achieve self-worth. If remorse has no harm to people, but for successful cooperation, Yucheng has a beneficial effect. Why should he be obsessed with Yu Zhongzhi? In the specific interpersonal relationship, the repentance technique is to be polite and polite. "I guarantee" is one of the most dangerous sentences in the language, so when you promise, you should only say 50% of the words, and you should not say anything, so that there is no room for manoeuvre. As for requests that cannot be fulfilled, they can sometimes be promised, but they should also be promised to be ingenious, slow down and have skills, and should not often delay to go back. 1. Keeping promises is a fool. There is a tree at the intersection of two roads. A saint is thinking under the tree. His thoughts are interrupted by a young man who flies toward him. "Help me," the young man pleaded. "There is a person who misunderstood me for stealing. He is leading a large group of people to hunt me. If they catch me, they will get rid of my hands." He climbed up there. The tree is hidden in the branches and leaves. "Please don't tell them where I am hiding," he pleaded. The sharp eyes of the saints revealed that the young man told him the truth. After a while, the villagers arrived and asked the first one: "Did you see a young man running from here?" Many years ago, the saint had vowed to tell the truth forever. So, he said he saw it. "Where did he run?" asked the first person. The sage does not want to betray the innocent young man, but his vows are sacred to him. He pointed at the tree. The villagers dragged the young man off the tree and smashed his hands. When the saint died, he faced the final judgment of God. He was condemned for his actions against the unfortunate young man. "But," he protested. "I have already issued a sacred vow, only telling the truth, I am obligated to keep the oath." "On that day," God replied, "You love vanity and overheat the virtues." "Reliance on promise is a minimum quality of a person, but do not understand the flexibility, raise it to a "lei pool" that must not be half a step, it is a rigid performance. Many people are obsessed with obscurity, do not understand the way of remorse, and are restricted everywhere because of the rash promises and wrong decisions. This is a kind of loyalty, a kind of short-sightedness, a thing that only a fool can do. For the Chinese, the biggest unfavorable commitment to limit our initiative to achieve self-worth is to be good with others and be a good person. Since the beginning of the era, most of us have received education, and the highest reward in the world is the approval of others. Perhaps so many words can't express the true meaning of it, but all the correct and beautiful education we accept contains this meaning. In order to win the favor of our parents, we bowed our heads and listened to them. In order to win the teacher's favor, we are diligent and eager to learn and behave well. We play our toys with our friends so they like us. When we try to act according to our own wishes, we are accused of being selfish. In order to get the approval of others, we can't tell in our young mind what is good thinking and what is bad thinking. In fact, those who teach us to distinguish between good and bad are victims of this kind of right and wrong. As we grow older, the situation becomes clearer. Always obeying others and seeking the approval of others is not the most effective way to get ahead. Despite this, most of us continue this ineffective behavior. Sometimes, we try to do some selfish acts, but because of the influence of the early environment, we often find it to cause us trouble. Good people should not always be selfish. Although we know that we are striving for success, we need to take some kind of measures that are centered on me, but we still continue to be good people. The reward for doing this is that we believe that our noble virtues are right. If you don't justifiably insist on getting things that you are right, others won't help you. Even if you really maintain your rights, many people will try to scare you. They want to suppress you to be inferior, so that you are discouraged, so that you will not hinder their way forward. Barbara is the news anchor of a TV station. She has been on this TV station for more than five years, and her news program has recently been rated as a local first-class program, but her five-year climb to the top of her career has not always been smooth and easy. Three years ago, when she had to negotiate a contract with the TV station, she encountered some serious resistance. The TV station manager hinted to her that he should be lucky to renew his contract with her. She clearly heard the meaning of the words: "You are a girl, girls should not be aggressive." When she asked to amend the contract, the TV station manager was furious, she strongly believed in her own self-worth and refused to give in. Every day, the director of the news department called her to her office and blamed her work. Every time she reprimanded, she always said, "Sign this contract." Four months later, she still did not waver. Finally, the TV station manager agreed to every request made by Barbara. However, before signing the contract, the land was asked for advice from a lawyer. The lawyer suggested making a few minor changes in the wording. When she returned to the TV station to tell them about the incident, they were shocked and thundered again. Her bosses said bluntly that they thought her behavior was too selfish and immoral. Even then, Ebola did not give in. In the end, the wording of the contract was revised based on the opinions acceptable to both parties. Recently, Barbara signed a three-year contract with the same TV station, which is much easier. As she said: "Now, they know what kind of person I am, I said it. Many people who work with me told me that I should ask for more than I really want, and then Concessions, this will enable the supervisors to win. However, I don't think so. I ask them to provide me with the necessary conditions, and I will not be extravagant in other icing on the cake." The significance of this story is not in Barbara's negotiating approach. Attention and analysis should be made to make Barbara so strong. She was forced to withstand the intimidation of TV station leaders in the form of threats, derogatory and insults. At the same time, she had to use a professionally entertaining journalist's professional demeanor to greet the camera footage every night. She never let the emotions that breed in the negotiations affect her work. Barbara has a strong self-worth. Protect yourself from the sinfulness of the sin, and let yourself fight for what you should get. Make yourself strong and stick to your beliefs. The entire culture uses education to force us to make our expectations of us misunderstood as promises that we must abide by and voluntarily. Others tell us how to be a good person or a woman, how to be a person. However, once we do not repent, we will become a victim who cannot be protected, a testimony of a person being deceived, a victim of deceptive promise. 2. First promised, after the repentance author Conan Doyle, when his first book adaptation rights were sold to the European "Napoleon of theatrical world" Froman, there was a small restriction on Froman, the Sherlock Holmes was not allowed to have love. thing. At that time, Freman was not arguing, and he promised this condition. However, in the repertoire of the performance, in order to cater to the psychology of some audiences, Froman added a romantic story that can be considered love or not. Since the performance was good, one year later, when Freman met Conan Doyle in the UK, Conan Doyle did not blame Freman, but also said that he did not object to the romance of Formosa. Fromeman later talked about this, when he gave Conan Doyle a step to achieve today's performance success. If he was stubborn at the time, things might get stiff. A story about a lover who is a lover is also an example of a good fruit of lying and repenting. The lady recalled her experience with her boyfriend: from small to big, my toys are all kinds of cute little dolls, and I like to dress up as a little mom. I can't be a mother in my life, I have my own doll. The doctor said that I can't have children. After graduating from college, I stayed in this strange city. In my small town in my hometown, although I have the love of my family and the care of my neighbor, I am not happy. Because of their love and sympathy, I am always reminding me that I am an unsound girl. No one knows my secret in this big city. I never seem to have been so relaxed. Just, I just instinctively resisted every interested boy around me. Until I met Zijian. We are in love. Zijian is the only son in the family. I shouldn't be sorry for him. I know how much courage I have drummed to tell him the truth. After that, I can't seem to think of anything, just vaguely remember his pale face. After that, I didn't have any information about him for a week. I don't blame him. On the contrary, even I feel that it is a relief. That day, I accidentally received a call from his mother. She is a kind person, treat me very well, which makes me alone and more comforted in this city. "Xiaoyan, come home to eat at night, my aunt will give you stewed pork ribs, you will add more nutrients. You don't have to glare at me, Zijian told me that he is wrong, don't blame him. Anyway, we have no opinion..." I hang up the phone. I dare not say more, because I don't know what Zijian said from it. When I walked out of the building, I saw Zijian. I will never forget what he said at the time. "Yesterday, I said to my mother, because of my impulsiveness, I am pregnant, just finished abortion. My mother said let us get married as soon as possible. If there is no child after marriage, it is said that the consequences of this abortion, My mom can't say anything any more. I thought about it for a whole week, and that's the only way to do it. Don't give yourself too much pressure. It's not good, we can adopt a little doll. Very selfish, because I actually agree with this rumor, or because I can't live without it. In the second year of our marriage, I was pregnant. I was shocked and almost passed out. According to Zijian, this is heaven. The lie is just to test our love. To be honest, I love this lie! 3. The excuses in the promise of repentance need an excuse, and the foreshadowing that can be used when you promise to leave a remorse will make the excuse more It’s a good idea to make some bold promises. It’s just that you have to tell the other kind of troubles and possibilities that you can’t realize, that is, don’t say anything. Too absolute, to make people's homes mentally prepared in advance, once they fail to achieve, they will not lose trust in you too much. As the saying goes, "everyone only says three-pointed live", there is still a seven-point job, and it is not necessary to tell people. You may think that the husband is bright and open, honest and honest, and there is nothing to say to the people. Why do you only say three-point words? Actually, we advocate honesty in interpersonal communication, but we must achieve sincerity between people. It is necessary to have a process in the realm of seeing each other. At each stage of the process, it is necessary to use various communicative methods of communication to ensure the smooth completion of this process. 1 Introduce a "fuzzy attitude" approach to cope with Some complicated requests. The so-called "fuzzy attitude" is to adopt an appropriate way, ingenious language to make indirect, implicit and flexible statements to other people's requests. It is characterized by not directly expressing attitude and avoiding confrontation with each other. It is a common social way. The "fuzzy attitude" has two functions: one is to leave room for maneuver. Some problems are unclear. You need to know more about the truth, or look at the development of the situation and the changes in the surrounding situation before you can take the idea. "Fuzzy attitude" can leave a room for careful consideration and careful decision-making. Otherwise, the gentleman said, Hummer Difficult to chase, not only affects their prestige and reputation, but also causes undue loss to the interpersonal relationship. Second, give the other party a little hope, which is conducive to stabilizing the other's emotions. Those who ask you to solve or answer the questions, the heart I always hope that things will be fulfilled and resolved satisfactorily. If I suddenly suffer a blunt rejection, because of the lack of necessary psychological preparation, it may be too disappointing or sad, psychologically difficult to balance, emotionally difficult to stabilize, and generate extreme words and deeds. Because of the interpersonal relationship. On the contrary, if the words are not completely dead, it makes him feel that things are not hopeless. Maybe after more efforts or a chance to come, things will turn in a good direction, and the mood will stabilize. However, we are not saying that everything has to be "fuzzy". The clear statement is also vague, then Very wrong. Then, what problems should be encountered and in what circumstances should the "fuzzy attitude" be used? How do you master the "fuzzy" measure? When the situation is unclear, it is advisable to use a "fuzzy statement". There is a process in the development of anything, and some have to have a long process of evolution. When things are in the early stages of development and change, substantive issues have not yet been revealed, which makes it difficult to determine whether they are good or bad, beautiful and ugly, pros and cons, and winning or losing. At this time, you need to wait. Observe, understand, and study, and must not act rashly. If you are forced to make a statement if you are forced by the situation, it is best to "fuzzy" to him. For example, you can say: "This is a tricky thing, let me see it." This leaves room for maneuvering for his future attitude. Some experienced people encounter such problems and use a few humorous words, such as quoting a fable story or a joke, without giving a direct answer, leaving the other person to think and find. This can be said to be a high-profile trick in the "fuzzy attitude." When you are in a preliminary relationship with the other party, you should use a "fuzzy statement." Let us take a comparison of love, there are two cases of positive and negative, can be used for reference: Xiao Wang and Xiao Li are introverted in personality, and there are few opportunities to contact the opposite sex. After introduction, they both met. When I first met, both sides had some meaning. The next step is to talk to each other, which is a temptation for both parties. Fortunately, both of them are still smart and understand the art of the first time. In the difference, Xiao Wang said to Xiao Li: "My impression of you is generally good, but it is still preliminary, and I need to know more about it later." Xiao Li also smiled and replied: "I feel the same as you." The statements made by both sides are vague, expressing both the willingness to make friends and leaving room for maneuver. Both sides are happy and laid the foundation for further exchanges in the future. However, the other pair of young people is not the case. Xiao Zhang and Xiao Ding are also introduced by people. When they first met, Xiao Zhang turned his mouth and yelled at Xiao Ding and said, "I am not interested in you." Going, going to cry, and complaining about the introduction. Xiao Zhang’s statement is too artistic, whether it is the way, the occasion, or the choice of language. 3 You can adopt a flexible wish for something that is not very graspable. If you don't have a good grasp of the situation, you should be flexible and have room for expansion. For example, use words that are “best effort,” “do your best,” “as much as possible,” and so on. This kind of wish can leave a certain room for maneuver for himself, but generally will leave doubts to the other party, and the effect of obtaining the trust of the other party is worse. 3 For a problem that cannot be solved independently by oneself, a wish should be adopted with implied preconditions. This means that if you make a promise that you can't do it yourself and you want to help others, then you can take certain restrictions in your wish. For example, if you promise to help a friend to settle a family, this involves the public security department and the relevant national policies. You may wish to say this more appropriately: "If the public security department handles the non-hukou account, and your conditions are in line with relevant policies, I must help." Here, the "Public Security Department handles" and "conforms to relevant policies" to make the necessary restrictions on the content of your wish, both to see their sincerity, flexible words, and to measure their own. Difficulties. It’s a stone and three birds! 4. Occasional use of the contingency plan is often for a variety of reasons, such as obstacle, the other party to the head, etc., we can not directly reject the request of others. In addition to arbitrarily making the rejection easy to accept, you may wish to agree to it, and then give him an account of the repentance. For example, if someone else is mobilizing for work or finding a job for a relative, and so on, and so on, and you can't do anything, what should you do? If you refuse it immediately, then the other party will probably think that you will not help him, and even your relationship will be rigid. Maybe you may have something to find in the future, even if others are capable of helping you. However, the other party remembered that the former "cenic" was a tooth for a tooth. Therefore, it is best to make the other party think that you have done its best to serve him. You may wish to do this: Immediately ask the other party to write a brief description including which school you graduated from, what you have studied, your own interests and specialties, and your thoughts and performances. In this way, others will see the fact that you want to help him, causing others to create the illusion that they may find the right person. Then I compiled a frank and sincere statement: "Your business is my business, I will do my best. Tomorrow I will take your profile to find an acquaintance... Can you come back in a few days?" After that, you should grab a phone call or visit the door when someone has not come. "I have been doing your activities for a few days. The A unit may have no hope. The B unit said that it is necessary to study and study." After two or three days, you took the initiative to find him: "I am really sorry, what you have been doing is now lost. I passed all the people I know, but... there is no way, I will have a chance to talk later." Although you have not looked for those acquaintances, the other party must be grateful to you. The same is true of other aspects. In business, some people ask you to see if you can approve the ex-factory price for him through the relationship. You should also act immediately: "Well, I will try my best to help you." Immediately ask the other party how many models, how much is the approval? and many more. Then follow the above steps. After a few days, don't wait for the other party to go to the door. You should explain to the other party that you have already found a leader. It is difficult to talk to the head, or that all products have been booked by others, and you can only wait for future opportunities. Someone wants to marry your chance to travel, and asks you to buy a certain type of product for him. Please do not immediately refuse the other party's request, you should immediately accept the money given by the other party for the purchase of goods, and frankly indicate that he must help him find it, if any, will help buy it back. Then, give the other party a phone call or telegram at the business trip, saying that you have not found the model and so on after you have finished a few big shopping malls. Such a kind, in a different way, flexible use. It will create some unprofitable human debts in daily life, which is also a common reference for experienced friends. This method is not suitable for use, and can only be used as an emergency method occasionally. Frequently, it will show flaws and be accused. Most people like to speak out, but few people use generous scales to understand why you can't perform something. We often hear a certain blame on a certain B, saying: "A certain B has clearly agreed to me ... but ... "In fact, although a certain B may have promised a certain A, but it is just a certain B is embarrassed to refuse, Later, when he thought about it carefully, he felt that it was impossible to do this. Even a certain company knew that this fact was difficult for the strong. But does a certain one really blame and blame? I am afraid it will not, but in the eyes of others, I always feel that a certain B is wrong, because when I arrived at the field, no one noticed everything about him. Napoleon said: "I never promised easily, because the promise will become an error that cannot be excused." Some people will ask this question: When we are forced to answer in front of our friends, we actually know that this should not be promised. how? Interpersonal relations experts told us: "We need to shake our heads after listening to other people's statements and requests, and the attitude is not strong." Gently shaking his head, representing negation, others see you shaking your head, knowing that you have refused, Followed by you can easily say the reasons for refusal, making it easy for others to accept. Naturally, the reasons for refusal must be sufficient. A good reason for understanding the hardships you can't do is not to hate you. There are many things that are often seen like this. It seems to be done, but it will be troublesome if you do it. For example, if you have a friend who has been a life insurance broker, he came to tell you the benefits of buying a lot of life insurance, so he asked You buy him 1 million yuan insurance. You know that this is really beneficial, but later, when you think carefully, if you ask for it, the monthly premium you pay is equal to the l/3 of your income, and your current income is nothing but It can only be used for daily life. And you must understand that this is very difficult to do, you may wish to gently shake your head and then say the above reasons. 5. Indulgence, in the early spring and autumn, after the death of Zheng Wugong, the Prince was born, he is Zheng Zhuanggong. Zheng Zhuang knew that although he was a monarch, his political enemies would never give up on this, and they had to fight hard. However, in what way can we fight against political opponents? He is awkward, because the political enemy is not someone else, but his biological mother and brother! When Zheng Zhuanggong was born, because his foot was first and his head was behind, it was almost difficult for his mother Wumei to give birth. Therefore, Wu Jiang hated him very much, and he preferred his younger brother. After the brothers grew up, Wu Jiang had asked Li Gong to be a prince on several occasions, but Wu Gong did not agree with the traditional habits. For this matter, Wu Jiang and Gong Shu Duan have been dissatisfied, so when Wu Gong died, they stepped up the power-taking steps. First of all, Wu Jiang came forward to ask for the seal of the land for the uncle's status as a mother, and to seal it to the public uncle in the public. The system was a military fortress, and Zhuang Gong did not agree. Wu Jiang also asked the village to ask the village to defend the difficult city in the difficult city. Zhuang Gong had to agree. When the public uncle paragraph went to the capital, he raised the wall and widened it. Minister Zheng Guo has expressed opinions on this. The sacrifice said to Zhuanggong: "The height of the city is the height of the wall. The first king has regulations. Now the uncle is not going to repair the city according to the regulations. You should stop him in time to avoid the consequences." Why can't you understand this in the public? However, he had other plans in his heart, so he said: "My mother hopes that, what can I do? The uncle did not see his brother did not take any restrictions on himself, so he was even more arrogant and ordered to let the guards in the west and the north sleep. On his own, and privately collected the surrounding cities as their own fiefdom. This kind of action made the Zheng Guo soldiers indignant. The generals Lu said to the public: "You should stop him early, otherwise the army will slowly Will be mastered by him! "Zheng Zhuanggong still said slowly: "No need." If you do more things that are not righteous and unjust, you will perish. "The uncle saw that his brother had not responded yet, and he was even more unscrupulous, gathered food and grass, repaired weapons, expanded infantry and pawns, prepared to attack the country of the public, and made an appointment with the mother as a response. This is the people of the country. Indignation is filled in. The public is happy to say: "The time is right! "Send people to hear the date of the uncle's uncle, and pre-emptively, and sent the son of Lu to lead 200 vehicles to the city in advance. The soldiers and soldiers of the capital have turned their backs, and the public uncles ran to the local government. Zhuanggong rushed to the poor and hit the squad." In the land, the public uncle had to flee to the country, Zhuang Gong returned to the mother to deal with the mother Wu Jiang, put her under house arrest, and vowed never to see her again. For the younger brother’s ambition and mother’s actions, Zheng Zhuanggong Understand the chest. But he does not pity the flesh and blood to properly mediate, but adopts the conspiracy means of "leading its development, trapping its injustice, and suddenly making people", first indulging each other, letting him be Hu Wei, winning the great heart. After the military heart and the people's heart, the opponent's rebellion method is applied to the manipulator who can suppress the situation. Its beauty is to make the other party do their best to perform, to underestimate the intention, to misunderstand my indulgence as incompetence, so that Others ignore or tolerate the other party's liquidation and remorse because of the opponent's excessive behavior.