I am chasing myself on the road

I have been asking myself what I really want, and I have been asking myself what I really want to do.

I whispered to the stars under the stars without moon. Where did I come from, where I am going, I came to this vast land and wanted to leave something here.

Then I finally found out that everything I thought was a bit of nonsense.

I lost myself in my fantasy.

Like the rebellion without reason, it is like the loneliness of no reason. In order to escape the high expectations of my father, after the college entrance examination, I was alone and resolutely went to the land of the North.

I thought that I would not feel lonely when I was rebellious. I believe that I am strong and I will never miss my distant relatives. I thought that I could escape the true vision of my father. I am dreaming of the perfect university life.

The result is that I have been deceiving myself.

This is a lie that we weave, like the one in Chekhov’s pen, who is waiting in the big net that looks like a rebellious seemingly strong lie, waiting for the horror of despair. The big spider silently sucks up his blood.

It’s like living a boring day in this boring university, no dreams, no hopes, walking away from the dead, going to class, sleeping, going to class, going back to bed, sleeping, day after day, month after month, silent time passing by Squandering life.

I don't know when I can wake up from this woven fantasy.

In the end, I still feel pain, perhaps numb the body and the brain, but the pain hidden in the deepest part of my heart always comes out from time to time. I don't know the so-called unclear pain, so I really feel the most real despair in this world.

That is despair for myself. Once upon a time, my own pride, once upon a time, I was full of ideals. Once upon a time, I really wanted to be the most filial child in the eyes of my parents. Once upon a time, I didn’t want to talk to my most ironic buddies about the most ridiculous dreams.

Now, qq has long been wondering how many days and months have passed. The mobile phone is always shut down early. Every day, I am always lying in bed silently. I am bored and look at the novel that I already know the ending, and then tell myself that I am just tired. I want to sleep, I want to read a novel, I don't have time to talk to my friends, I don't have time to call my parents to report peace.

Actually, is this really true? I don't know. I only know that my empty heart has become more vain in bed. I only know that my hands that have struggled for my dreams will only flip the screen of my mobile phone.

I really hate the present, this boring life, this empty heart, really hates such a self.

Can't you really wake up from a dream?

Really give up like this?

I don't want to be so silent in bed and with the grass.

Then let's get up, then fight hard, then take your sword and fight.

Life is a process of constant confusion, constant thinking, constant search, and continuous advancement. But as long as the heart is unchanged, can you not see the gleam of the distant lighthouse even on the darkest night?

So move on like this, with the initial dreams, fight like this, with the expectations of friends, just fight like this, with the eyes of parents staring.

If you can't give up, try to cherish it. You don't have to be demanding, you don't have to envy, the truest ones really understand what I am most eager to do in my heart.

Then do the truest self.

Get out of boring fantasies, find friends, and tell him his own dreams. Desperate to defeat the emptiness, tell your parents that your favorite person will always be them. Open the weak hands, the so-called glory, has always relied on the hope of a little bit of effort.

It is because there are things in the heart that you want to cherish, just because there are people in the heart who want to protect them. Only in this way can we maintain our own color in this colorful dyeing tank of society, isn't it?

So to be the truest self, the one who is full of pride, the one who is full of ideals, the one who filial to his parents, the one who cherishes his friends.

This is what I really want to really pursue.