Live like a dog

1

As for the way of life, when I was young, I was a puzzle in my heart that was unresolved and unclear.

When I returned to my parents’ city in my country, I lived in a strange community. According to the regulations, a door card must be brought in and out, and the railing will rise on the sensor on the door.

At that time, I always felt trouble and liked to drill directly from below. There is a year-round security guard at the door, which is one of the people I hated the most. Every time I came over and stopped me, let me show the owner card, I shook my head, and then asked me to report the house number. I only said the house number in an impatient tone, and every time I finished, I still had a contemptuous look.

At that time, I did not know what respect was, like all the ignorant teenagers who lived in a splendid life. After repeated this many times, I finally couldn’t help it.

When the security uncle stopped me again, I knew that he must recognize me and felt that he was completely okay to find something, and could not help but scream. The uncle is just blushing, not arguing with the residents, politely telling me that this is indeed a stipulation, no owner card must ask, or what to ensure the safety of your household.

After listening to his truth, I even wanted to laugh. I only thought that he was a villain who had to use a little power. I still looked at him contemptuously, and then went straight in. At that time, my heart was not only guilty, but dark.

On one afternoon, I stood stupidly at the balcony of my home. I suddenly heard the buzzing sound in the direction of the door downstairs. I looked over and found a middle-aged man pointing at the security. The reason is the same as mine.

I saw that the uncle was helplessly sighing and looking around, his eyes full of grievances and helplessness. That day I realized how I hurt a person who is loyal.

At that time, my arrogance was completely from the time I didn’t understand that people and people would not be high or low because of the difference in social division of labor. Looking far away from the uncle, in such a hot summer day, wearing the prescribed uniform, sweating, there is a kind of guilty in my heart.

That afternoon I took the door card, bought two cans of cola at the supermarket at the door, and then swiped the card into the community. I smiled and took the card on my hand and shook it. I kept a little smile and said with a smile. Right, you have access to the card, and everyone is convenient. I gave Coke a full save and said that I was embarrassed last time.

The preservation is determined not to accept, I said that you are so stingy.

The defending scratched his head and smiled a little, and then took the cola and set it aside.

Later, the security reminded me every time I saw him.

During the winter vacation that year, everyone was busy with the Spring Festival. I stood on the balcony and found that the uncle was still standing guard. It was raining that day and it was very cold. He stood alone at the small pavilion, and sometimes looked up at the sky and sometimes looked far away.

I frowned. The uncle of the day was fixed in my young memory. I think he must have his own relatives, parents and children. For the family he loves, he doesn’t have to be in the cold wind or the sun. He stood as hard as he stood.

Whether his sufferings and grievances will melt in such a belief, melt in a phone from afar, tell his children, Dad is very good.

2

After graduating from middle school, I left my parents. In another city, you are in high school.

There I met a little boy who would arrive at his father's stroller at 6 o'clock every afternoon. His father is selling Shandong pancakes.

I often see the little boy through that place. He looks at the streets where people come and go, watching people come and go. His eyes always reflect the loneliness that the average child does not have.

He occasionally plays the grass under the tree by himself, and occasionally squats on a plastic stool to write homework. At 10 o'clock in the evening, at 10 o'clock in the evening, when he was sleepy, he slept with a small bag and slept on a piece of cardboard next to his father's trolley.

I always look at him when he passes by him. He also looks at me. Then I squint at him, but he immediately looks away, as if he is shy.

One night, after passing through a middle-aged man, the little boy’s father accidentally spilled the batter on the middle-aged man’s clothes. The middle-aged man was furious and pointed to the little boy’s father.

According to our traditions and customs, we have attracted large-scale onlookers in an instant.

The middle-aged man’s argument is that it is not allowed to set up stalls here. It’s so careless to put on the stalls, but also to splash others.

The little boy's father was very embarrassed, apologizing aloud, his face was helpless and wronged.

I saw the little boy through the heap of people. The boy was full of horror and helplessness, clutching his father’s clothes tightly. Later, the middle-aged man finally got comfortable and left.

The little boy’s father sat silently on the stool. Maybe it is a shame in front of my son, maybe it is sad and wronged. The little boy stood up and gently patted his father's back behind him.

The little boy's father touched the boy's head. In the distance, I saw what my dad said in his mouth. Maybe he was comforting the little boy and told the boy that he was fine.

At that time, I just came to the back. I turned my head and saw the back of the little boy's father. I saw the little boy climbed onto Dad's lap, then hugged Dad's neck and face me. The little boy looked at Dad quietly, his hand patted his father's back gently. In the eyes, I swept away the loneliness of the past, and some just felt distressed. At that moment, I felt so sad and warm. Just suddenly, the little boy’s eyes went out of tears. The little boy bit his mouth, maybe trying to hold back, not letting Dad discover that his hands are constantly rubbing his eyes.

Perhaps at that time, I gradually realized that maybe there is sometimes a cruel warmth in life, and those who work hard to live together.

3

When I was twenty years old, I went back to my home factory for an internship.

At a dinner, I sat with Xiao Hu. Xiao Hu is a salesman in the factory. He has been here for two years. He is quiet when he doesn't talk about business. I used to boring to go out to run business with him. He held samples in both hands, and a store took a store and received many eyes. He was just sweating and smiling politely.

When I saw him at the dinner table, he was teased and drunk, and the thing he did the most was to add vegetables to the pot, pour the wine, pour the tea, hand the paper towel, call the waiter, open the bottle, and Strong smile. The other person at the dinner table called me a young man and told him to "feed."

After the meal, I was responsible for sending Xiaohu to go home.

I drove in the car, he was sitting in the passenger seat, the wine was soaking, the car was quiet, only the breathing sound, I smoothly turned on the sound, and a low voice, I watched the playlist on the screen. Leslie Cheung’s "Warming."

I couldn't stand it when I listened. Because I was too dull, I wanted to press it, but he hurriedly stopped me. He told me in the tone of asking for help. Let me listen.

I nodded.

Then he spoke intermittently about the song. He didn't feel good when he went to school, but he felt very good after working out, but he didn't listen for a long time.

We listened to this song quietly like this. The light from the street lamp brushed our faces one by one. There was no one by the road, there was no car on the road, and there was a cold moon in the sky.

But suddenly there was a hoarse voice in the ear:

Don't hide the lonely heart

Although the world is cruel than we imagined

I won't cover the lonely eyes.

Just because I want to see your innocence

We can warm when we hug

We can survive by relying on it

Even in the snow and ice

The song was hard to hear. I turned to look at him. His red-necked red face sang loudly with the sound, but I saw his eyes wet.

He said hoarsely, opening the window.

As soon as I opened the window, the wind screamed fiercely, but what caught me the most unexpected was not the wind, but his crying.

He cried in tears and was completely downright. My right foot steadily stepped on the brakes to slow down the speed, and he just waved at me, then buried his face in the other hand, tears streaming out of his hand.

I won't comfort people, I don't know how to comfort him, so I speed up the speed, let the wind come more violently, the wind is getting louder and louder, like countless flags flying in my ears, but I can't cover his vague cry. sound.

I don't know how long it took, he gradually only left sobbing, and finally slowly calmed down. When he got downstairs to his house, he was red-eyed, his faucet slamming his face and rubbing his eyes with his hands. He blinked and asked me with anger. He could see it. I said a bit. I know that his wife is still waiting for him.

He rushed his eyes again. I asked, it is not easy. I don't know why, after asking this, I feel that my eyes have a reddish impulse.

He just thought that I was asking for the eyes, he said nothing, and drinking wine is almost like this. Then I said something embarrassed, thank you, and went back to the road to be careful.

Finally, he stood in the evening breeze, straightened his waist, pulled his clothes, wiped the water off his face with a paper towel, coughed twice, swallowed a mouthful of water, then took a deep breath and lifted his chest. I smiled at me and carried the bag up the stairs.

I looked up at the old building in front of me. There wasn't even a light on the corridor. Listening to his tired and heavy pace, the whole building stood in front of me, silent and cold. I think he will soon return to the simple but warm place. His fragility will not let his wife see it. He is still a man of one meter tall. In front of his young children, he still stands in the air. .

I watched him get up early and watched him go back to such a simple home. He watched his face with the customer intentionally or unintentionally covering the buttons on the shirt without buttons. He always smiled politely. It’s just how cold life is about him, so that after he gets drunk, he listens to a dull "heating" and can cry like a child.

4

I used to think that living is watching the sun rising east and west, and the moon is cloudy and clear. It’s just that the years will always lead us all the way, and along the way, we will find the answer we have met.

When the frivolity and emptyness of the young age were filled by growth, I realized that some derogatory words such as "responsibility" and "persistence" are defamatory words.

When people reach a certain age, they will suddenly start to have a completely different view of life, and that moment is growth. In those who use it as a mirror, you finally understand that life may be cruel often, but the warmth and touch of cruelty, persistence and dedication, and still work hard to live, is the real value and preciousness, is the way life is.